Salad Days

"Salad days" is an idiomatic expression, referring to a youthful time, accompanied by the inexperience, enthusiasm, idealism, innocence, or indiscretion that one associates with a young person. More modern use, especially in the United States, refers to a person's heyday when somebody was at the peak of his/her abilities—not necessarily in that person's youth.
The phrase was coined in Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra in 1606. In the speech at the end of Act One in which Cleopatra is regretting her youthful dalliances with Julius Caesar she says:
"...My salad days, / When I was green in judgment, cold in blood..."
The phrase only became popular from the middle of the nineteenth century on, coming to mean “a period of youthful inexperience or indiscretion." The metaphor comes from Cleopatra's use of the word 'green'—a word which has a meaning indicating someone youthful, inexperienced, or immature. The probable allusion is to certain leafy plants (such as dandelions) which are edible when young and tender.

Salad Days. Hmm. Are these my salad days, now that I'm eating a salad every day for lunch? Are my salad days behind me? Are my salad days yet to come?

I know when I was younger I was definitely cuter...but was I in my hey day? I hope not! I made lots of mistakes and did lots of stupid things that, when I think back, make me cringe. But, like I sad, very attractive and we all know that lots of idiotic behavior is forgiven if one is cute.

Are these days my salad days? I mean, I am eating a trendous amount of lettuce and greens. Could this be the best it gets? I hope not! I'm still working things out. I'm still trying to find my place. I envy those women my age and younger who have it all together. I knew a girl who married at 20 and was very excited to be planning her own Tupperware party. Seriously. She said she'd waited for years and was very, very excited. It must be nice to find what you want so easily.

I'm hoping my salad days aren't here yet. I have so much I still want to do. I don't have to do much....I want to do much. I'm all grown up and have raised children to be lovely, intelligent responsible adults. I've made a home for decades. I really don't have to do more. I don't even have to do much to be satisfied with what my time on the planet has produced. But I want to do so much more. And I can't figure out how to do that without making the important people around me think that I'm selfish. That's a hard one for me to solve. I cook and clean and do wash and shop for food and really want to spend a large portion of my day being creative. But if I insist on that time for me...to be creatively productive...then the rest will suffer....and the important people will suffer and I will feel that I'm being selfish putting my wants (and needs often) in front of household chores and maintenance. Right now there's a mountain of laundry to do. There is flour on the kitchen floor that someone spilled. I have to bake a loaf of bread for breakfast. I have to make a final plan for dinner. I have to make the bed...and vacuum and dust and etc. And I don't want to do any of it. But I will. Because it has to get done and I'm the one who does it. And if someone else does it, I will feel selfish. And if I don't do it I will feel useless and a failure.

How do I turn those feelings around? I haven't got a clue.