What else is there to say?

Today started out hazy, hot, and humid. I've been having issues with my car and it is in for repair so my youngest has graciously allowed me to use her car. Using her car means I take her to the morning train and pick her up in the late afternoon. That's fine. Get some quiet time in the car waiting for the train.

This morning I came home to eat breakfast and it was dark, dark, dark...and then it rained. Hard. Not for long. And then the sun came out.

Part of this new lifestyle includes daily exercise. I walk (the local mall) and I lift weights (in the kitchen). Today suddenly became such a beautiful day that instead of walking in the mall, I walked outside the mall. There is a sidewalk around the perimeter. I put on my little ipod shuffle and listened to podcasts of Splendid Table. I learned about beans and pesto today. The walk was nothing short of glorious (1). The air was clear and there was a nice breeze blowing. The sun was out. Spectacular.(This is a picture of my foot in my Earth Shoes that I wear when I walk. They are lightweight. They have a negative heel. One of my friends said she thinks they're the ugliest shoes she's ever seen! I like them.)

Of course when I was done I was sweating. And by the time I got home the humidity had come back. But for that hour, the weather was beautiful.

I've settled in on a salad for the summer. Leaf lettuce, Jersey tomatoes, fresh mozzarella cheese, oil & vinegar dressing. The tomatoes this year are sweet and meaty. Nothing short of glorious (2).

What else is there to say?

So I know this is all supposed to be about the way I eat (I still eat my salad every day at lunch...made much more delicious since the Jersey tomatoes are in!) but since my glucose number (and yours too) rises with stress I'm going to share my angst with you too.

On Friday last my air conditioner in my car broke. The compressor. Lots of money. I called the dealer and they were to order the part and get back to me. Why is it that never happens? Why is it I have to make all these calls? The other day I complained about having to wait. I can't imagine what people do with no one home to wait and call and look for and do all those errands and all that waiting that needs to be done just to run the home. This is where some one else would say hey, that would make a great business. I could wait at other people's houses for the plumber, electrician, roofer. I could call the car dealer and wait for packages that need to be signed for. No way. Not me. My glucose number would shoot out the top of my head if I had to wait for my stuff and your stuff!

So. I called the car place. We bought three of our four cars from them and have them serviced there. We are trying to keep these cars happy and healthy and forever. I call. They can't find the name. Turns out they have my daughter's name in the computer despite the fact that she only owns one of the three cars. Can I, when I come in, tell them so they can get somebody to fix it? Sure. And do I get a discount on service for doing your job? Quck question. Why can't you fix it now, while I'm on the phone? Nevermind.

Earlier this week when I told of my broken air conditioner in my car someone asked me if I remembered when cars didn't have air conditioning. Absolutely. I also remember when people knew who you were and who your mother and father were. And I remember when who you were and how you acted got you some small measure of respect. I vividly remember my mother going to the bank because she had bounced a check (erroneously...the woman reckoned to the penny daily). The bank found the error. They had posted her check for her property taxes twice. Not only did they apologize, but they wrote a letter to the township clearly my mother's good name! Yesterday I was beside a young girl in the bank drive-thru. The teller was holding the girl's driver's license and passport (yes, passport) and still would not cash the young lady's check. And she was annoyed at the girl for trying. I don't know the whole story, but that was pretty rough for a check at the drive-thru.

Anyway...I do remember simpler times and kinder times. And I do remember sweating in the car in the summer (and searing my thighs on the vinyl seat).

We sent a man to the moon on less computer power than a dollar store calculator but someone did something to the computer at the car dealer and I have to go through three people for one person to tell me the part is in (and no answer on how long it's been there) and another to tell me they won't be able to fix it for three more days...four if I need a loaner car. And, could I please point out their error again so that someone can try to fix the computer.

Okay. My number is up, I'm sure. Going to go walk to destress. Although, when I get back in the car, sweating, I'll probably stress up again. That is, of course, until I go sailing down the highway with the wind blowing in my hair. Sometimes a dog's life looks like a lot of fun!

I took the day off.

I know. You're saying...hey, didn't you just go on a lengthy staycation?

Yes. Yes I did.

But today I got up and it was hot. It was hot last night. I was sweating while I was sleeping! And I got up just before dawn, like always, and made breakfasts and packed lunch. And I was hot. I turned the air conditioner on for breakfast! So, after everyone had gone and I had settled in with my soy yogurt and toast with peanut butter and my crossword puzzle and the morning news I thought about my plans for the day. My warm drive (No AC in the car yet) to the mall to walk. My warm drive back. Chores. Chores. Chores. Errands. And I just plain didn't feel like it. I wanted a day to do what I wanted to do. So I took the day off.

Now. I still did laundry and made the beds. I still went to the bank and the post office. I still am making dinner. But I went back and laid under the fan on my bed after breakfast and I read a book. I took a longer than usual shower. I surfed the internet. I took the day off. And I may take tomorrow off too.

she also serves who only stands and waits...

There are only a few things that can get me down and they seem to happen with distressing regularity. One BIG thing I can't stand is having to wait. I hate to wait. Hate it.

Friday morning I was on my way home from walking and the supermarket when my normally frigid car air conditioner got hot. I mean hot. It went from ice cold to winter time heat in less than a minute. I timed it. I conducted experiments to be sure it was the air conditioner. I have sold cars because their air conditioning broke. I don't like to sweat and I don't like to wait. So July in the mid-Atlantic with no AC is a bad place for me to be.

Back in November I hit a deer and had my car repaired by a very reliable place. Part of the repair work involved the AC and heat. I was given a life time guarantee in that if anything went wrong with the work done by this place during the life of the car (the time I owned it) they would make the repair for free. So, naturally, when my air conditioner went on the fritz I called them. A very nice young man named John told me to bring it in and they would look at it. Of course, this was Friday afternoon so I told him I'd be in first thing Monday morning. So first thing this morning I went to the collision place. I sat and waited for over 90 minutes and when the car was returned to me I was told that the AC compressor was gone. Done. Kaput. And that they didn't do anything to the AC compressor so they couldn't fix it. They couldn't even fix it if I gave them money! The mechanic told me the car was fine to drive but I was not to even turn on the AC...bad things would happen. Belts would break and such.

So I drove home, with the windows open, and called my dealer. Aside from the deer collision I have always taken my car to the dealer for service. A very nice young woman answered the phone and gave me a price to repair the AC in my car. In the meantime husband (after I called and told him what happened) sent me links with regard to a nationwide problem cars of my make, model, and year are having that sound eerily like my problem. And the prices people are getting to repair the car are in the thousands. Well, the nice young woman calls me back and gives me the price $868.48. I make sure we're talking about the same thing and then I ask about this larger documented problem. She explains that she' s new but she will look into it.

The part will take 2 to 5 days to come in and then she will call me (oh...I'll be calling her by Friday if I hear nothing) and then we will set up an appointment.

And here I am. Waiting. I'm waiting for the part. I'm waiting for the nice young woman to find out about the bigger problem. I'm waiting for one daughter to shower so we can go out. I'm waiting for the next heat wave to come.

I watched a report on the news this morning about the death of Randy Pausch. Dr. Pausch told us in his last lecture not to wait...to go out and live our dreams. I believe that we should. I believe that most people in this world are not having enough fun day to day. But when we go about having all kinds of wild fun...who's waiting for the car place to call, for the bread to rise, for the dryer cycle to finish, for everyone to come home to dinner?

That would be me.

The summer's bounty of fruit and vegetables is in. The farmer's market overflows with beautiful fresh, locally grown goodness. I realized yesterday as my bags and baskets overflowed and my daughter's arms and shoulders were loaded down, that, aside from dairy products like milk and yogurt, I shop almost exclusively at my local farmer's market.

The farmer's know me by name and always smile when I stop and shop at their tables. Yesterday was wonderful. Again. The weather was nice, not humid and the tables were overflowing. I bought green and yellow string beans, three varieties of eggplant (and there were more I could have), tomatoes and tomatoes and tomatoes (they are meaty and sweet this year...just delicious...my lunch salad is simply a little lettuce, a lovely tomato, and some fresh mozzarella cheese), corn on the cob, zucchini (green and yellow, not to be confused with yellow squash), lettuce, cucumbers (the little kirbys are my favorite...youngest daughter and I will be making more pickles this week. The first batch are delicious already.), green onions, sweet potatoes, yellow watermelon, red watermelon, peaches (still cling), the first apples (Pristine by name...tart sweet...love them!), red peppers, green peppers, green Cubanelle peppers (love them in eggs!), raspberries, and squash blossoms (stuffed with cheese and fried!), and cantaloupe...large and soft ball sized and the beef and pork and chicken and bacon and sausages and lamb (someone this week told me how mild it is...I'm going to try it. I always hated lamb as a kid...we'll see!). I haven't eaten this well since I was a kid. The quality of the food is the best.

I do understand that most people do not shop for food the way I do. Most people don't enjoy food the way I do...seeing it, touching it, imagining recipes, preparing. But I don't understand the people who get up early and make their way to and through the market just to NOT buy anything. How can you argue with cucumbers that are six for a dollar, zucchini four for a dollar, one dollar eggplants and one dollar cantaloupes?

On Saturday, like many other Saturdays, I saw more than one person take the free sample apples and peaches from those generous farmers and not buy any. They even sell single pieces. I was buying three little cantaloupes. Husband loves them for breakfast. They are local and sweet and they are no bigger than a soft ball. I was picking out three. My daughters had already gone to the car to unload and the three little loupes were my last purchase. A husband and wife in their late thirties were walking the market. She with coffee and flowers in hand. He stops near me, watching. She says (in not so lilting tones) what are you stopping for? He...to buy a cantaloupe. (The melons he was looking at were the size of bowling balls for $3). For $3 she says (coffee and flowers already close to $20). He looks at me...deflated. I say...these are a dollar and my husband loves them. Whyyyyyyyy? She asked all drawn out and irritated. I say because they are very sweet and the right size for his breakfast. Her husband looks up, smiling at her. She does not look convinced. After all a whole dollar on her husband's breakfast. Then I add that my father eats his cantaloupe filled with ice cream. For breakfast? she shrieks. I say...he's 84. Her husband says he can eat anything he wants. His shoulders droop and he looks over my basket. I chose my cantaloupe and left. I don't know if he got his cantaloupe, I hope so, but it didn't look good for him. But neither was she buying corn or tomatoes or summer squash or sugar baby watermelons. Nothing. Flowers and coffee.

Often I hear (because they are not quiet) men and children ask for certain fruits and/or vegetables that they see so beautifully and appetizingly displayed only to have the woman of the group say no. I don't get it. Why are they at the market then?

I was buying those light green, sweet Cubanelle peppers...they're in season now. They are mild and delicious (especially in scrambled eggs!). A woman standing next to me asked me what I was going to do with them. I told her. The farmer's wife who was waiting on me told her what she does with them. We told her how delicious and easy to cook with they were. So she bought eight of them for two dollars instead of just four for one dollar and she and her husband went away happy and talking and discussing how they would eat those lovely peppers with Italian sausage and with eggs.

The tables of fruits and vegetables are attractive. But they are not all fixed for you. You have to peel and chop and season and cook them. I think many women don't know how to do that anymore. I think many women think that cooking is something that, if they did it just to feed the family, would be a job beneath them. I've seen so many young women freeze when their significant other asks them how to cook this or that. Or when they hear that his mother used to cook this.

I wish I could tell them all how much love and pleasure you get back from just a little bit of effort chopping zucchini and frying it up with some onions and tomatoes. How much fun it is to cut the watermelon and sit on the porch spitting the seeds with your kids.

I have had to learn a whole new way of cooking that does not include potatoes and rice and pasta and white bread. It's an adventure. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. It's all in the trying. It's all part of the adventure.

I think in an effort to make our daughters stronger we took away the elements that make women who they are...the stronger sex. I wouldn't give up cooking dinner for my husband and family just as I wouldn't give up having given birth to my children. Women are different than men and I'm glad. I hope that I've taught my daughters that it isn't hard to be a good person.

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, …but they will always remember how you made them feel". (I don't remember who said that...but it's true)

It is a beautiful morning here made even more so after days of high heat and high humidity. Great night to sleep last night. Today I have plans to get lots accomplished before the next heat way hits. Laundry. Cleaning. Packing up six backpacks I've purchased (with supplies) for a collection drive in our county. I'm going to walk an extra lap and have something different in my salad. I haven't figured out what's for dinner yet but I know it will include salad and tomatoes and corn on the cob and a variety of summer vegetables. Tomorrow is the farmer's market and I like to have space in my refrigerator and to be surprised by what's new. I hope tomorrow morning is as nice as this one. The market can be awful on humid mornings.

Yesterday I read a long article about a study that doctor's did on controlling type 2 diabetes. The article said that doctors who participated in this "study" concluded that diet and exercise is the best and preferable way to control this problem but that it requires a radical and difficult lifestyle change that people are incapable of doing. There conclusion is diet, exercise, and medication for all. Well, I don't like to be told I can't do something and I don't like to be told that I'm not good enough to be able to do something. And, guess what, I did it. According to this report doctors want glucose numbers between 100 and 129 and they believe the only way to do that is through diet, exercise, and mostly medication. Well. I did it. My numbers run between 100 and 110. Without medication.

It is most definitely a life style change. But not that drastic. It's not like going from a house with running water and electricity to a tent. It's about choices. And it's very hard to make good choices when everything around us points us to bad choices under the guise of okay choices. A few years ago I purged my house of high fructose corn syrup. That was more difficult than low carbs. High fructose corn syrup is in everything. The real danger in this product is that, according to my reading, it raises glucose levels and helps us pack on the pounds and the body doesn't recognize it so it never tells you to stop eating it. We all can hear our bodies but we don't all listen. But HFC doesn't make a peep.

A low carb diet is difficult because pizza and sandwiches and fries and a burger are easy to get, easy to eat, and they taste good. I was shocked and suspicious years ago when I learned that the reason fast food fries have that golden brown color is the sugar that's sprayed on them BEFORE they're fried and doused in salt.

Here's what I can eat: eggs, cheese, steak, pork, chicken, turkey, fish of all kinds, lettuce, green beans, carrots, peas, corn, zucchini, tomatoes, peppers, bananas, grapes, peaches, plums, watermelon, strawberries, blueberrries, peanut butter, raspberries, whipped cream(!)...you get the idea.

Here's what I can't eat: white rice, white potatoes, white sugar, white flour.

I will admit that I have to make things from scratch more than not but that's okay with me. I enjoy cooking. I love eating. And I adore knowing exactly what is going into my body.

There is a lot of information out there with regard to the healthiest way for a body to eat. Much of it is hidden behind corn (there's lots of money in corn). But you have to gather it for yourself because the most successful diet (life style change) is one that you will stick with. I've done the research (and I continue everyday) and I've found a list of foods that work for me. I've lost 42 pounds and my glucose numbers are well within the normal range (without medication).

We've become a society that wants a quick fix. Anything worth having is worth working for. Why are we so unwilling to work at our health? Why are we so willing to relinquish our control over ourselves? I have a friend who has a friend who has been diagnosed with leukemia. My friends natural inclination, as is mine, is to research and learn about the problem and what can be done. Not this mother of four. She has told everyone she doesn't want to know anything about her illness. She simply went to her doctor and told him he didn't have to tell her anything she would do whatever he told her. Period.

Make no mistake. I am not some kind of food saint. I still dream about warm bagels and gooey pizza. But I also think about selling that novel and the next one and meeting my grandchildren.

After reading the articles yesterday I wondered exactly what those doctors eat every day and what they do to PREVENT illness in themselves and their patients. And I wonder how stupid they think their patients are. And then I wonder...well, you get it.

A thousand years ago when I taught high school English I used to get more than my share of the guys (and girls) who had failed a state administered minimum basic skills test. Nearly all of them only came to school half of the day, the other half they attended vocational classes at the county vocational school. They were studying to be mechanics and printers and beauticians and plumbers and electricians and they couldn't see why they had to take history and English and gym to get a job. And so they didn't always behave in a socially acceptable (for the hallowed halls of high school) manner. The first class of every year I gave them my short speech about that. I explained that everyone expected them to misbehave, to fail, to be nothing. Prove everyone wrong, I told them. Behave, do the work, graduate. Do the unexpected.

Do the unexpected. You're the big winner then.

Today my two grown daughters stayed home from work (one had off, one took off). We went out to breakfast (an easy low carb meal if you're careful about toast and leave off the potatoes). Then we did some errands. One of the errands was to drop off sports equipment, lined paper, games, hand held games, hand made blankets, toiletries, and other fun things to occupy time at a local pediatric (and teen) psychiatric ward at a local hospital. They have kids as young as five there that have problems and are admitted. My younger daughter used to volunteer there and saw a need for a variety of items so several times a year we donate what we've gathered or made. Locally an agency is collecting filled backpacks for school children in the area. So we went to the store and bought six backpacks. Three camo and three flowered and filled them. Notebook, paper, pens, pencils, markers, crayons, glue sticks, folders, pencil cases, erasers, rulers, scissors. And other fun things. Food is so expensive these days I don't know how young families afford things. In fact, going into the store we saw some one chased down and caught for shoplifting. Things are hard out there and I don't hear any presidential candidate saying what they're going to do to turn things around. That makes me nervous. But right now my kitchen table is filled, not with food, but school supplies in bright colors. When I have days like the other day when I felt invisible, I think of the different things I give (and I love being invisible then) to help and that makes me smile. So...I didn't think of my post of the other day as depressing although many others did ...just a too harsh observation of my reality I guess.

Spending a day with my "girls" was a very good thing!

It's still hot. The local weather people keep saying it's going to break. Today. Really today. Really, really today. And it's still hot. My computer is in a non-air conditioned room. There are fans in the hallway blowing the cool air past me. I have a little fan that blows right in my face...it sits on top of the CPU.

Today I had such plans. I was going to do only what needed to be done and then I was going to get started on the business of trying to get an agent for that novel I just finished. I've been reading blogs and books and researching. This is a very big task and I really have no idea how to go about it.

So what did I do today instead of that? I made three beds, walked three miles, did three loads of laundry, roasted a chicken, made pea salad, zucchini. I shopped at the grocery store for just a few items ($60 and only one bag!). I cleaned the front porch and watered my plants. I filled the bird bath and watered my herbs. I made my salad for lunch. And I made a loaf of rye bread. First time for rye. I would like to make a rueben sandwich for dinner tomorrow night and most rye bread has high fructose corn syrup in it. And I just wanted to try it myself.

I feel stuck. I clean and nothing gets cleaner. I work and nothing gets done. I worked seven years on that novel and now I'm just stymied as to what to do next. I'm probably just suffering from heat inertia. Or maybe I suffer from irrelevancy. I am of a certain age...no longer middle (Hey...if I double my age I'm dead!). I am invisible, irrelevant, and useless. At least that's how I feel a lot of the time. Especially when I'm at the grocery store. I don't think I've ever ignored people ever. My family knows that I talk to everyone. Now I don't.

Today there was a young mother in the produce area. She had her beautiful little girl in one of those carts that looks like a car. In a very loud voice she asked the little girl (somewhere around 2 years old) if she wanted an apple. Oh, yes! And the little girl started to climb out of the car/cart. The mother then told her not to get out of the car just tell her which apple she wanted. Do you want this one or this one? She kept asking over and over, pointing to one of each of two varieties of apples. Do you want this one or this one? Louder. Louder. No don't get out. Louder. All the little one wanted to do was pick the apple...like her mother said she could. And she didn't know why her mother kept saying no. No. Don't get out. No. This one or this one. No. No. No. In no time at all the mother was angry. The little girl was in tears. The aisle was blocked. Other kids were watching and getting worried. I wanted to say...just let her pick up the apple she wants. Let her get out of the car and pick the apple. But I didn't. I turned around and went to a different aisle. Kids were crying all over the store. Mothers were frazzled. I know how to be a mother and raise terrific people. I've done it. But no one wants to hear what I have to say. I'm a more than middle aged woman alone in the store looking at someone else's child. Invisible. Irrelevant.

Maybe tomorrow I'll indulge myself and stay home.

how do you feel?

It's hot. Too hot. And humid. Too humid. I live in an old house with little AC. Window units and strategically place fans hum all day and night. And I'm never cool enough. I take cool showers. I don't like cool showers.

I went to the farmer's market Saturday morning. It was hot. And humid. At eight o'clock in the morning. The market is booming. This is the most plentiful time of the year. I bought all kinds of delicious fruits and vegetables. My refrigerators are bulging!

I had breakfast with a friend after the market on Saturday morning. She said positive things about how I look because of the weight loss of the low carb change of life. She asked how I feel. She said she thought when a person eats low carbs they are tired. Carbs are energy. Well, that's true. But I get natural carbs from fruits and vegetables. I do low carb...not no carb.

How do I feel. Physically I feel terrific. I'm lighter so my knees don't ache. I eat easily digested food so I never feel full or bloated. I don't have indigestion ever. Friday night we had corn on the cob, a medley of summer squash, salad, green beans, filet mignon, and yellow watermelon for dessert. Delicious. Light (yes, light!). No problem. I don't get sluggish. I do get tired...but then I do get up at before 6 am. And it's hot. I don't sleep well when it's hot.

I've lost my favorite nightgown. It's pale yellow with tiny imperceptible purple polka dots. It has a v-neck and cap sleeves. It goes down past my knees to the middle of my shin and it's made of 100% cotton. It's my favorite. It's perfect on hot summer nights. It's been washed so often that it's soft and cool. It's long enough that I can sleep without a sheet on me and still be covered. I don't know where it is. It's lost. I've been to the bottom of the laundry pile and it's not there. I've cleaned out my nightgown drawer and it's not there. And here's the question. How could I have lost an entire nightgown? And my favorite one at that. How do I feel...disturbed, upset, frustrated, and awfully silly to worry so about a nightgown. About an old nightgown at that. Some people will tell you that carbs make you happy. That may be so. I never did meet a piece of crusty bread or a slice of pizza that couldn't make me smile. But right now the only things that will make me smile are a thunderstorm to break this weather and my old yellow nightgown.

It's been a very long day. But productive. Got up and showered and ate breakfast and was at the farmer's market around eight. It was bustling already when we got there. The town where the market is is currently having a restaurant boom and you can see all the local chef shopping before the market opens. If you get there early enough you can see them. They get the newest produce first and will have it set aside for them in bulk. They also carry bags and buy small amounts of things.

The market is bursting with wonderful fresh produce. Since I buy my meats at the market too, I only go to the supermarket for yogurt and milk and ice cream.

Today I got (in no particular order): lettuce (lots!), cling peaches, sugar plums, sour dough bread, tomatoes (lots & lots), cucumbers, zucchini, yellow squash, peppers, eggplant, celery, squash blossoms (we had them tonight with dinner...younger one made them...delicious!), blueberries, raspberries, sweet potatoes, scallions, sweet onions, green beans, orange beets, cantaloupe, yellow watermelon, corn (white & bi-colored) cheddar cheese, eggs, bacon, breakfast sausage, a chicken (which was dinner tonight), beef short ribs (never made these before...but going to try them), chipped beef for cheese steaks, hummus, wheat grass for eldest's kitty, and probably other things I can't remember.

The week ahead is full of wonderful food and, according to the weather channel, sunshine.

The refrigerator is burtsing

Who needs yellow ink when you have black?

So. I finished my novel as I stated sometime before 4 July. I'm pleased with it. I am. And just finishing an entire novel, I'm told is an accomplishment. But here's the thing. No one has read the entire thing and the only people who have read any of it are friends and relatives. People who know and love me. So, how fair is their estimation of greatness.

So. In order to make myself feel a little more secure in the value of this piece. I mean it wasn't a story I was burning to tell. Well, maybe parts of it were smoldering. But very small parts. Very, very small. It was an exercise in creative writing. I taught high school level writing for years. I enjoyed it and I think I was good at it. I was taught to write by a very tough and very smart and very talented English teacher when I was in eighth grade. So I know I can write. But I never did much creative writing. It was an exercise. One that I enjoyed. But this little novel took me seven years to write what with dinner to prepare and laundry and one thing and another. So. Again, in order to make myself feel a little more secure in the value of the piece I have arranged for the book group of P (friend and relative) to read and critique. In order for this group of terrifically insightful women to read the book they have to have a copy of the book. And therein lies today's blog.

The first thing I did was put a watermark on the page and a footer. I don't know these women. There may be an aspiring writer in the group who will love my novel so much that she will take it for her own and give it to her brother-in-law in publishing who will publish it just to get her off his back and so that he and his wife can stop fighting. But you see the problem. Exactly! My novel will be published under someone else's name and all my fame and fortune (that I worked for for seven years!) will be hers. So. The first thing I did was put a watermark and a footer on each page. Then I made the margins smaller and the font smaller and put it all into single space. That took it from over four hundred pages to around one hundred and forty pages. Much more printable! Especially for a group.

So. The novel is ready to print for my group of strangers to critique. I have copied the file to a thumb drive to give to husband. He says, just in case, print one copy using his networked laser printer. Okay. Now we're cooking. With gas, as husband would say. Well, oldest daughter is baking banana bread (don't worry, I don't eat it!) and I'm working at my computer. There is a minor snafu with flour that I have to help a bit with and I start to print. And another snafu in that the networked laser printer is not on my computer as an available printer to use (It turns out that I was supposed to turn his printer on before I tried to print to it. Who'da thunk?) So when I can't get it to print to the laser, I give up on that and just print it to my all-in-one. I mean the word all states right there that everything will work out fine. And it is. It's all set. Paper. Ink. (I'm only printing in black.) Ready. Set. Print.

Print. Print. Print.

Print. Print. Print.

Print. Print. STOP!

When I started the print job the printer warned me that I would be needing yellow ink. Not soon. Well soon, but not RIGHT NOW! So. Since I was printing in black, I pushed okay and started the printing. But it stopped. It stopped twenty seven pages from the end of the document. It printed over one hundred twenty and then it stopped and it said. No. Nope. NO MORE PRINTING UNTIL I GET A YELLOW CARTRIDGE. Or words to that effect.

Last week I replace the blue, the light pink, the dark pink, the black. Target was out of yellow last week when they were on sale. But I have bought ink recently and I keep it in a drawer. Surely there is a yellow ink cartridge in there. No such luck. Three pinks, two blues, two blacks. NO YELLOW. Meanwhile the printer has STOPPED PRINTING and the lights are all blinking. NO. NO. NO. Says the printer. And what's more...if you don't give me what I want, I will delete the print job and you'll have to start ALL OVER AGAIN!!

So. Even though it was a thousand degrees outside and a million per cent humidity. And even though I had to get dinner going pronto. I figure out what is the closest store that is sure (I hope) to have a yellow ink cartridge. Office Depot. And I grab my purse and fly out the door leaving my printer in a state of pause (that's what I'd like to think) and blinking with every light it owns. Rush hour traffic. Terrific. FINALLY I get to the store. I run in. Hey, cars are supposed to stop for pedestrians in the cross walk. And dash directly to the ink aisle. I pray the cartridges are not under lock and key because it will take me another half of a day to get someone to come help me. No. Cartridges hanging free for the picking. I turn down the aisle. Number two. The first ink cartridge number I've ever had that is easy to remember. And every color is the same number. And as I turn down the aisle I nearly plow into two young women dressed in office wear talking on their cellphone (yes, both are talking into one cell phone) in a foreign language. I'm not making this up. And where do you think they're standing. Directly in front of my yellow ink cartridge!

So. I stand still for what seems like at least an hour and no one even sees me. Let me be clear. I am not, I repeat, not a small person. And I was wearing purple. Apparently I had also activated my cloaking device. Silly me.

So. Since I am not a small person, I did the math and reached right in there and grabbed my yellow ink cartridge without interrupting the young ladies one iota.

So. Then I try to pay. Cash. None. I repeat. None of the cashier's stands are open. There is a young woman helping a woman order business cards and there is the store manager sitting cross legged on top of the desk trying to figure out something with the computerized cash register. And she cant'. She is swearing quietly. So the young woman helping the other woman tells me to come to her register and she will ring me up. Excellent!

So she rings me up. Wrong. Yes. Wrong. And so we have to do it all over again. Did I say I was paying cash? That must have been what tripped her up.

So. I finally leave the store with my yellow ink cartridge, inch my way home in rush hour traffic, and replace the cartridge. The blinking stops! New blinking starts. DEFECTIVE CARTRIDGE it says. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So I take the cartridge out and put it back in. More blinking. But then noises and finally it accepts my new cartridge. And cancels the print job.

Don't worry. I printed the last twenty seven pages as a separate job and the copies are all ready to be distributed to the group which my friend/cousin says will likely take them six weeks!

I was going to blog about how I finished my novel and am now starting the daunting job of figuring out how to get it to an agent who will help me get it published. I was going to. I was going to also blog about the delicious roast pork with organic sauerkraut (I have pictures) I made for dinner last evening. I was going to. But instead I am going to talk about this diet thing. As you know I had a minor medical incident on the last day of February that resulted in me having to test my blood for my glucose level and in me having to change the way I eat. Rice, white potatoes, pizza, my beloved white crusty bread are all off limits. Cookies and candy and cake are too...but for me that was not a problem. A hard roll or a bagel are what I always ate and what I crave. When I was a little girl. And I mean little. Five, six, seven. My breakfast was a cup of tea with a lot of milk and a fresh hard roll covered in poppy seeds and smeared with butter, real butter. It is still my favorite breakfast (less milk in the tea). I can't have that roll anymore.

Between the last day of February and now I have given up many of my favorite foods because I do not want to be sick; I do not want to be a diabetic; I do not want to suffer the side effects of diabetes or the medication; because I want to live a good long while yet and I want to live it in as good health as is possible.

I have had several (yes, several) people ask me what my diet secret is. I have lost nearly 40 pounds. My glucose number is normal. I no longer have aching knees or indigestion.

I can tell you what I eat. I eat homemade wheat/oat bran/flax bread with low sodium/low sugar peanut butter, a small dish of vanilla soy yogurt with cinnamon sprinkled on top, and either hot or iced tea for breakfast. Every day. I eat a salad for lunch. Every day. And for dinner I made a protein like grass fed beef, chicken, pork, eggs, turkey, fish and a plate full of vegetables. Once in a while a sweet potato. Once in a while 2 ounces of whole wheat pasta. Once in a while some fried polenta cakes. I read and consider and calculate. I avoid pizza and pasta and rice and white potatoes. I still want them. But I can't have them. Not now.

There is no secret quick fix diet. There is only a life change. It's not easy. I don't always like what I'm eating. I own hundreds of cook books. I love to cook and I love to eat. But I'd also love to go down the shore and sit on the beach for a few more years. I'd love to catch up on my reading. I'd love to sit on my porch. I'd love to crochet enough to use up all my yarn.

To live so as not to miss too much, if anything at all, I can make a life style change (not just go on a diet). I can give up a bagel to meet my grandchildren.

So... I haven't "blogged" in ages. I've been busy! June 30 was the last of the birthdays. Shopping for three in one month is like Christmas! But we're all celebrated now.

I've been following my diet ...peanut butter toast and soy yogurt (with cinnamon) for breakfast. Iced tea instead of a cup of hot tea to drink. The NYT Crossword Puzzle...of course. Walking at least 2 1/2 miles a day. Lifting weights every other day. Lunch is still a salad. But...what with all the fresh fruit coming into season....strawberries with bananas, vanilla ice cream ("Chilly Philly"...made in Philly...low in sugar...all natural...delicious!), cinnamon, whipped cream (real whipped cream...not Cool Whip...no carbs in real whipped cream!)....delicious dessert every night! I've lost 40 pounds to date.

Older daughter's was the last birthday celebrated. She has not fully embraced low carbs like the rest of us so along with her grilled chicken cutlets she asked me to make my potato salad. Which, of course, I did. And we had sliced field grown tomatoes (the first of the season!) with fresh mozzarella cheese sliced and marinated fresh cooked green beans. We also had a huge bowl of sauteed zucchini with onions and mushrooms and melted cheese on top.

Her cake...banana with fudge icing. Her dad and sister and grandfather had a piece and then she took it to work (I'm allergic to chocolate so couldn't have had it anyway...but I made it!). She had to work on her birthday (12 hour shift!) so I packed up the cake and sent it with her. A colleague made cupcakes and another friend bought a little cake...so she had her full complement of birthday carbs!

I have been working on my novel (for seven years!) and it is finally done. Now to get some feedback and work on getting an agent, etc. Memorial Day is over, "Staycation" is over, birthdays are over, the novel is done, July 4 is over. Now I feel as if summer can really begin.

back from staycation

It's been a while since I've written here. As I've explained, I've been on a staycation. Staycation officially ended Monday evening. Yesterday daughters and I took a ride to Cape May. We took younger daughter's car...a Honda Fit...because it gets fabulous mileage. Lots of young guys checking out the vehicle as we zoomed past them on the Garden State Parkway. The weather was terrific. The beach was only slightly populated, mostly with high school kids and toddlers with young parents. The water was COLD! I did put my toes in but they fell off! (not really...but pretty close!) Not many people were in the water.

Now that we are all older, we travel very light to the beach. We each have those folding chairs with hoods on them. We have a small cooler for snacks and a small jug for iced tea. One tote bag that you carry yourself. Mine had some magazines, a book, my camera, my wallet, my cell, my keys. I was a gorgeous day. We got there around eleven, grabbed our stuff, bought our tag ($4 a day now!) and walked to the waters edge where we plopped ourselves down for some serious down time.

I did walk down the beach once to use the restroom. That was my exercise for the day. And then I sat and alternately watched the little ones, read a magazine, or stared at the water. Dolphins swam by every now and then. Just a lovely day.

On the way home, instead of buying fudge (like we always used to), we stopped and bought blueberries and strawberries (and a cantaloupe...but not local). Came home and made a charcoal fire to cook up some delicious steaks for dinner. God bless my daughters for setting the table before we left for the day. Added some butter braised asparagus and some sauteed summer squash and a nice salad of sliced tomato and slice fresh mozzarella cheese (with some of my fresh basil snipped on top.


I took a picture of my feet and my view. Sit back. Relax. (By the way....how did we ever live without sun block? I can remember my high school girlfriends slatherting themselves with baby oil and frying themselves. I mean I'm all for taking care...youngest daughter and husband do not tan...they burn ...so as soon as sunblock was invented I bought it and used it on the kids. Yesterday we used SPF50...I just saw a commercial for SPF70...have to get some). Because of the use of sunblock...no one got a sunburn. There were some on the beach who were going to be miserable when the sun went down. I don't like the feel of sunblock. And it does give me little red spots just when I have it on. Today...I have a nice healthy glow to my face. I guess all this new stuff is great...sunblock...thawing meat in the refrigerator...fruit and vegetable wash...germ killers...but I'd like to know how so many of use managed to survive our dangerous childhoods. It's a mystery.

Today I'm home alone. It's very quiet in the house. I had my salad for lunch. Dinner is salmon filet. And I don't know what else. Working on it.

I spent much of the staycation working on my novel. It's almost done. I'm going to it now. Here I go..........

staycation

Buddha says: "An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea."

I've been on staycation. Not away...here...but on vacation...but we stayed home. Get it? A staycation.

Anyway. Remember the porch. Well, that took any vacation money there might have been. But...we don't do vacations anyway. In 28 years, not counting the honeymoon, we've gone away three times. So we kind of invented staycations. Now they're popular because of gasoline prices. The Wall Street Journal even wrote about staycations.

So...how do you do a staycation. I don't know. You stay home. I'll tell you how we did it and then you can adapt accordingly ...or not.

My husband took six days off from work (with weekends) for a total of ten days off. He sent all of us a schedule before the staycation actually started so we could get ready. Daughters worked and lived a regular schedule. Maybe they'll go on a vacation or a staycation later in the summer.
In the morning we were to get up a little later. Well, I make breakfast for younger daughter so I decided to get up and continue that tradition. So husband slept later, but I got up regular time. I had some nice quiet time to work on the Times puzzle before husband came down for breakfast. After breakfast we had limited time for chores. Then we learned to play a two handed bridge game called Bridgette. We've had the game for years and husband thought now was a good time to learn. Keeps our old brains active! Then I make lunch and we have afternoon "spa" hours. Husband has been thoroughly enjoying reading the pile of books he assigned himself and watching opera. I've used the time, as I promised myself, to work on finishing my novel (that I started seven years ago!!!) Almost done (almost 400 pages!)! After it's done then I have to figure out what to do with it. How does one get published?

I've been making and eating my salads for lunch every day. And, with the summer heat, sometimes for dinner too. I have to say here, salad for lunch AND dinner is way too much lettuce for me. After a two salad day I have to cook a meal! Tonight is franks and beans. And I'll make a little salad...in days gone by I would have bread and applesauce. But franks and beans and salad will be okay. Especially because I have strawberries for dessert!

Yesterday we had an unscheduled shopping day. Husband wanted to use some gift cards he got for his birthday. Books, CDs, DVDs, and a pair of CROCS. He's just discovered he likes CROCS. Who knew?

Last night we had a salad with chicken on it for our protein...among other delicious things. Younger daughter came home with some salad greens a co-worker had grown. That was a nice treat. I rinsed them and tossed them with some red leaf lettuce for the base of our salad. Very nice.

I've planted lettuce in my flower boxes this year. And it's already come up!












And I've planted my herbs. I do every year. Tarragon, chives, rosemary, thyme, lemon thyme (delicious in tomato sauce!), basil, parsley, dill (looking poorly). I've also planted tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, zucchini, and cucumbers.

I love my farmer's market...but they're only open on Saturday...and there's nothing like a tomato eaten warm from the garden!

Staycation's almost over. Then one day at the beach (gasoline is too high) and afternoon's and evenings on the PORCH!











Buddha say: " When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky."

happy birthday!

Yesterday was my youngest child's birthday. She was twenty-two years old. Yesterday was Thursday. She was born on a Thursday. It's hard to believe that my baby has lived more than two decades. I barely feel older than that myself. Oh, my knees ache and I have to watch what I eat, but I'm still interested and curious. I know that she was happy to be celebrating her birthday but was a little serious, sad too. I have passed the half century mark a few years ago and many of my friends are just approaching it. 50 didn't bother me. 40 didn't bother me. 30 didn't bother me. 25 bothered me. Imagine. Twenty five! I'd love to be 25 again. Especially knowing what I know now.

We celebrated quietly, like we do. Just us. My daughter spent the greater part of her day at work...that's when you know you're really grown. When you go to work on your birthday. And when there is no party to speak of. The day passes and you're older and that's it. (I did give her a new dress and sandals to wear).

Her sister baked her a cake and made homemade whipped cream and I decorated it with fresh strawberries. The cake was tiny and low carb. But very good and, of course, we added ice cream. Dinner was her request: chicken parmesan (I tried something new and rolled pounded chicken breast with prosciutto, basil pesto, provolone then baked it with tomato sauce and more chees on top). We had a dish of sauteed vegetables (eggplant, zucchini, tomatoes, onions) and gnocchi made from ricotta with basil pesto sauce on top. No salad for dinner just cut up celery with ranch dressing for dipping.

After we ate she opened her gifts and we played a card game that she wanted to play. A quiet night. A nice night. Everyone was in bed early. Work today.









It's hard to grow up and realize that not all the friends you thought were true are true. Everyone disappoints. To what degree is the only variable.

Hey kiddo...I know you read this...I was there that day and always will be until you don't need me to be and back again when you do. Hope yesterday was one of your good birthdays!

suppertime

My father is old school. He eats three meals a day and they are breakfast, dinner, and supper. He also believes that the reason my niece and nephew, his grandchildren, eat nothing but junk and fastfood is because they never smell food cooking. He might be right. There is something comforting about walking in the backdoor and smelling supper.

When I was in college I worked summers in a day camp. The only perks of the job were sun-streaked hair, a fabulous tan, and a great item on the resume for a teaching job. I can remember pushing in the backdoor and being enormously thankful for air conditioning and smiling at the smells coming from the kitchen. Sometimes the smell (weekly!) was hot soup and, after standing in the sun all day, I wasn't too enthused. But I'd set the table and my father would come home from work and we would all sit down and eat and talk and laugh. Suppertime was a nice time.

I read a statistic somewhere, I forget where, that the only this all Rhodes scholars had in common was that they ate supper as a family. Every night.

I know so many, many people who rarely eat a meal together ever. Our children are really missing out. My children are adults and they have always had regular mealtimes with food that I've prepared for them. I even packed their lunches. They do their own now but I still do for husband.

Right now, as I type this, I can smell a pork roast that I put in the oven a while ago. It's cooking very slowly with leeks and apples and garlic. It smells wonderful. My older daughter will come out of her third floor apartment and ask what's for supper and say that she's been smelling it all day. Younger daughter will arrive home and walk in the backdoor and smell what's for dinner. Both will ask at some point in the day what I'm planning. It's nice to know that eating dinner means something to both of them. I hope they will continue the tradition.

When younger daughter went away to college it was difficult for me to make the correct amount of food. I often would set the table for all of us instead of all of us minus one. When older daughter works and her shift keeps her away from dinner, I set her plate and put aside her food. And when she gets home, I sit with her while she eats. It's no fun to eat alone....especially supper.

Tonight we're having a pork roast with gravy made from the meat juices and the leeks and garlic and apples. We're having baked yams and green beans. A big salad, of course. Tonight we're having a real meal.

While I understand why this diet of low carbohydrates is necessary I still can't get my mind around a salad for dinner (especially since I always have one for lunch). I love to cook. I love to cook meals. I miss making beef stew with potatoes. I miss roasted chicken with parsleyed potatoes. I miss homemade pizza (a Friday night tradition that dates bake pre-children). I miss the traditional food of my family. There is a joke...although too true to be terribly funny...that a Slavic mother could make supper for twelve with one potato. I know I could.

I read cookbooks like novels. I think about what vegetables should be served with what meat and how they should be prepared. I know people who think canned corn is the only vegetable palatable to human beings. My children ask for cabbage and asparagus and squash. They've eaten it all their lives.

Yesterday I had a salad for lunch and another one for dinner. Today I had a salad for my dinner. And tonight, for my supper, I'm eating real food. Family food. Tonight's supper is a juicy pork roast and some beautifully orange baked yams and fresh green beans...and a salad.



Tonight every one will be home and supper will be on the table at 6:30.

Sunday on the porch

On Sunday I slept late. I didn't get out of bed until 8:30. That is very, very late for me. I made eggs and sausage for breakfast. Did some chores. And made a conscious effort to sit on my new porch. I ate breakfast late and intended to eat dinner early so I DID NOT EAT A SALAD for lunch (although I did have a nice salad with my dinner of chicken cutlets and yellow squash and asparagus).

A while ago my younger daughter gave me a "survey" to take. Her friends pass them around on the internet. She has been passing on a lot of them lately but she liked this one. She completed it and then sent it to me. So...while passing the time on the porch with my Sunday newspapers and the birds and the breeze...I, too, completed the survey. It was an interesting exercise. Try it...you might find something new and interesting about yourself.

So here goes...

20 YEARS AGO I ...was a relatively new wife and a young mother of two very lively and intelligent little girls. We were deep into pre-school...which, looking back...I think I would have skipped if it hadn't been for second guessing myself as a mother. Husband was traveling for work a lot. Life was busy with kids and schools and dinner and laundry. Always laundry.

15 YEARS AGO I...was teaching computers at the local Catholic school where my daughters attended school. I was a working mother. Something I never wanted to be. I had learned a great deal about computers as I got computers donated to the school and husband and I had to clean them up inside and out to make them usable. Life was busy and full of kids and schools and dinner and laundry. Always laundry.

10 YEARS AGO I...was a homeschooling mom. I had just started a non-sectarian group for homeschoolers in which I taught a lesson and the other mom planned a coordinated field trip. That was fun and it was successful. Life was full of education and fun and learning and dinner and laundry. Always laundry. But there was a peace that made it all fall into place.

5 YEARS AGO I...was finishing up being a homeschooling mom. Kids were self learners and stepping out into the world. They weren't just succeeding, they were excelling. I was deep into trying to write my first novel (I still am). Life was full of maturing kids and dinner and laundry. Always laundry.

2 YEARS AGO I ...was still working on finishing my novel and that huge pile of laundry. Always laundry.

1 YEAR AGO I ...was still working on finishing my novel and that huge pile of laundry. Always the novel. Always the laundry.

YESTERDAY I...sat on my porch (and only did a little bit of laundry...always the laundry).

TODAY I...took a long walk outside in the gorgeous day. I let the warm breeze blow through my hair. I finished shopping for two of the three birthdays this month. And I didn't do any laundry.

TOMORROW I'd better do some laundry.

my computer died....

Last Monday morning, after a night of genealogical research, I turned on my computer before going for my walk and it wouldn't start. It wouldn't stop either. It kept trying to turn on...but it couldn't. Fortunately we have other computers in the house so I turned one of them on and began researching what the problem was. As best I could figure I had a "worm". A worm!!! After fiddling with it all day my husband came home and finally got it to stop cycling and actually turn on. But I lost nearly everything. We managed to save some photos... I think. But then, thanks to younger daughter's additional computer savvy...we decided to let it all go. What if, in our effort to save, we just transferred the worm and gave it back to ourselves. So we let everything else go. Then we started the long process of bringing the computer back. It took all week! It was horrible. It was terrible. Once before we had a computer that just died...it was like having a corpse in the house. We've had a computer in the house for 22 years...but I never realized how important that little machine is to my functioning. It's amazing how not having it available changes my mood and my outlook (no pun intended). But, with a family of computer geniuses...I'm back.

Despite my inability to use my computer and blog about my delicious and nutritious salads...I did, in fact, each my salad every day. Yesterday I had to go shopping for birthday gifts. Husband and younger daughter have birthdays next week and older daughter at the end of the month. I thought my errands would take me just a couple of hours but I was on a roll and so I stopped at a local upscale supermarket and bought a salad. It was a very nice day here so I took it to my car and ate there. Eating in the car is not my favorite thing to do (unless on a road trip of some sort) and salad was not what I wanted. But I did what I had to do. I realized yesterday how much I hate eating low-carb. I could easily have stopped for a slice of pizza. There were fresh soft pretzels everywhere. And a new Five Guys has just opened where I was shopping. Five Guys...delicious burgers and unbelievably good fries. But I had a salad. I don't do restrictions well so I have to stick to what I say. No cheating. Ever. Because one soft pretzel is just the thin edge of the wedge and I'd eat a dozen of them, dipped in mustard, of course.

Next week for the two birthdays I've searched high and low to address the cake situation. Daughter is going to have this delicious sponge cake (2 eggs, 1/3 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour...I use whole wheat pastry flour...beat the eggs and sugar until white and fluffy...fold in the flour bake 20 -25 minutes at 350) with homemade whipped cream and fresh strawberries. I'm going to dip some in chocolate (just melted chips) for the top decoration. For husband I've found a similar recipe for a chocolate fudge cake. I'll let you know how it comes out.

Of course I went to the farmer's market today and bought quarts and quarts of strawberries, tomatoes (hot house), zucchini, LETTUCE!, asparagus, eggs, pork breakfast sausage, bacon, soup bones, cheddar cheese, colby cheese, dill cheese, and savory herb cheese (tastes like pizza!), cucumbers, spinach, and more LETTUCE!.

I also bought grass fed beef chipped steak and a fresh small round loaf of sourdough bread. Lately our Saturday night dinner is my version of a cheese steak. I fry up some onions, mushrooms, and peppers first. Then I quickly fry up the steak, toss the vegetables on top with some cheese, usually provolone, and serve it over a slice of toasted sourdough bread. Essentially an open faced cheese steak. Delicious! (and every one thinks so too!)

And this week I bought some plants and flowers....dill, foxglove, and two I don't know what they are, but they're pretty, they grow in shade, and I'm going to give them a try.

After the farmer's market I had to go to another supermarket for some low sugar ice cream followed by a quick trip to a local big box book store (husband printed out coupons). Just as we were leaving the sky opened. It' s been pouring all afternoon! Tomorrow is supposed to be a gorgeous day ...I'm planning on some porch time (although the laundry's piling up again).

Today's salad was a winner...lettuce with viniagrette...seaweed salad, olives, tomatoes, cucumbers, grilled tofu, colby cheese, avocado, garbanzo beans, red pepper, artichoke. And a new plate that older daughter found for me.

Glad to be back on line...not sure how I feel about missing it so much!

Lunch on the Porch at last!

Saturday I went to the farmer's market. It was a little smaller because the town where the market is held was having their annual street fair. The parking lot where the market is usually located was needed for parking so the farmer's had to display their wares up a small side street that connects said parking lot with the main street where the fair was. Imagine having a table of strawberries and asparagus directly in front of your house! Delightful! I noticed the prices were a little higher. I hope that was just for the day and not a reflection of things to come. Although, gasoline prices being what they are I wouldn't be surprised.

I bought lots of strawberries because we love them, they have a short season (although we've had delicious ones three weeks running), and my oldest child was making a strawberry shortcake (actually a sponge cake with strawberries and homemade whipped cream) to take to work. She is a nurse and had to work but everyone was bringing something so they are having a nice lunch together.

The rest of us are home. Having a quiet day. We're actually sitting on the porch!

And we had lunch (salad, of course) on the porch too. At last. I love to eat outside. Today and all weekend the weather has been just perfect! Salads outside on my porch...it almost makes you forget just how much lettuce is in the bowl!

There is a tiny bird that was evicted from one of the corner pillars on the porch. The contractor and I hung a bird house on the lilac bush just a few feet from the pillar location. The bird was very nervous when the old pillar (with the hole in the top) was removed. But now, it seems, the little bird has taken us residence in the birdhouse. She has a really beautiful song and is very tiny. She sits on the branch next to the porch and sings even while we're sitting just a few feet away. I'm not really sure what kind of bird she is. I always think the birds in my yard are rare and exotic and far away from where they should be...but they turn out to be exactly where they should be. Lots of birds in the yard this year. And lots of nests. Just the other week we watched as three baby robins learned to fly.

better than nothin'

I went shopping today to buy an OFF brand mosquito repellant candle type thing. It's the one on the television commercial that is supposed to keep mosquitos far, far away. Mosquitos love to bite me. They sing and dance and hold social gatherings around me just so they can suck my blood. I was all set to spend this summer on my SCREENED IN porch. No such luck. The porch had to be completely rebuilt and cost twice the original bid. The porch was also supposed to be done in two weeks. Today it is finally done. Six weeks. So unscreened, no new front doors (something I've wanted for 20 years), but finally done. Better than nothin'.

So I went shopping to buy these mosquito repellant things. There is a television commercial that directs you to a website where you get to sign your life away for some coupons that can only be printed after you get the secret password. So I did all of that and tucked the coupons in my wallet and set out to make my purchase. I am determined to get a lot of use out of this porch as I've been told it will last longer than me!

The first store I went to did not have what I wanted to buy so I went to another. Aha! Eureka! There tucked in the back by the decorative citronella candles (which I also bought because I love the way they smell) I found the product described on the coupon. Actually two coupons. One coupon was one dollar off a refill pack (3 candles) and the other coupon was to buy one of the candle holder thingys and get one for free. This was a pretty good deal. The refill pack was $4.92 and I had a coupon for $1 off. The candle thingy was $6.79 and I would get one for free. Excellent! I picked up two candle thingys and one refill and headed to the cashier. I put my items on the conveyor to pay and handed the elderly cashier my two colorful coupons that I had just printed out on my home computer printer. She seemed a little perplexed but the customer before me had used a handful of coupons so I knew she had some experience with them. Cash in hand I watched her ring up the refills. $4.92. Then the two candle thingys. $6.79. $6.79. Okay...coupon time. She huffed and puffed and scanned coupon #1. Minus $1. Then she huffed and puffed some more and scanned another coupon. Minus $1. Oh no! Trouble. And Jack who was behind me in line with his mother (who was on her cell phone) was trying to see if he could make the scanner beep with his toy car. The cashier was getting a little nervous and Jack's mother turned her back on the whole thing.

What to do? Excuse me, I said. One of those coupons is supposed to be for the candle holder and it's supposed to be buy one get one free. Hmprf says the cashier. Oh yes. She squinks at the computer screen that is her register and adds $1 back. Then she types the bar code number from the coupon into the register. Minus $4.92. There! She says very pleased with herself. But I say...it's supposed to take off $6.79. She looks at me. She looks at her screen. She looks at the coupon. She looks at the candle thingy. Jack's mother finally looks at him. And she turns to me and say....Well, it's better than nothin'.

Well, yes, it is better than nothin'. I think. But it isn't right. And then I quickly decide if the $1.87 I am owed is worth the fight. Will bringing the store to a screeching halt on this Thursday morning be worth my $1.87. And now Jack is trying to climb on the conveyor with his cars and new clothes and his mother has actually walked away. The elderly cashier is huffing and puffing and staring at me. And so I give in and say...I guess it is.

I came home and was disappointed with myself. I should have made her figure it out. She could see what the price was. She wrote the price on the coupon so the store will get the whole $6.79. Disgusted with my self for caving so quickly, I ate yet another lunch salad.

But...I thought. I'm not a pushover. I'm making pizza for dinner. For the first time in months I'm having pizza. I'm not having a slice of Joe's which is what I desperately want. I'm making my own dough (full of whole grains and soy) because I'm going to beat this blood glucose thing and I'm going to make the best, most delicious alternative pizza crust this world has ever seen!!!

And I did (or at least I tried). The recipe includes whole wheat flour, soy flour, oatmeal bran flour, golden flax, olive oil (among a very few other things).

I mix my pizza dough in my bread machine. I used to make regular pizza dough...with bread flour only. So, like a chemist, I design this new recipe and pour it all into the bread machine. It smells a little funny (the soy flour, I think) but it looks like dough. When it's done I try to dump it out of the dough mixing pan and a lot of it sticks. Not a good sign. The dough has a weird texture. Not a good sign. But I work it out. Remember, this is going to be the best pizza ever! I bake the dough a little before I put the toppings on. Sauce. Cheese. Mushrooms. Spinach. The pizza goes in the oven and we all wait. My family at the table. It smells like pizza they say. And I make salad. If it's a disaster, I say, we'll eat scramble eggs.

The pizza comes out of the oven and, despite a more textured looking dough, it looks like pizza. I bring it to the table. Husband cuts it. We all dig in.

It's crisp. The cheese is good. No, no it's good.

No. It's better than nothin'

Now I am not a better than nothin' person. I am a this is the best person. Better than nothin' has been swirling around me for months. I don't like it. I don't like it with coupons. I don't like it with home repairs. I don't like it when trying to get time to do something. I certainly don't like it with pizza crust. My husband tells me that I need to let myself win once in a while. How can I do that when I have to accept, without complaint, so many things that are better than nothin'.

It's hard to blog backwards.

I've been trying very hard to blog every day. Continuity is important. And blogging (writing) lowers my blood glucose level. It really does. But last week was very busy and I am not very good and removing myself from the hub-bub to write. I've written about that before.

I sit at my computer and stare at this box that wills me to fill it. And I do. When I make the time to sit down. Right now there is a pot roast roasting, bread rising in my bread machine, laundry in both the washer and dryer. And in the back of my head are chores to be done that always occupy a piece of my consciousness.

I thought I would sit down today and blog backwards. I would blog about the waiting room and the hours I spent in it on Thursday at The Endo Center (a surgical facility where my husband had a colonoscopy). I was going to write wittily about the fact that no one waits in the waiting room for the patient anymore. This is husband's fourth procedure and the first three the people waiting talked and had a comraderie. Now people come in for the procedure...the people driving the patients home just leave a cell phone number and come back when the procedure is over. I sat in the same chair for almost four hours. A little boy sat with his mother while his father was checking in. When are we going, he whined. As soon as we get rid of Daddy, she replied. Nice. Very nice. A very old man accompanied his wife. He came in first. She followed. He checked in. She stood behind him. They called HER name to go in and he got up to go with her. They made him wait in the waiting room. He did. And I did. And when we finally arrived home...I made salads for lunch.

Friday my youngest daughter graduated from college. More correctly, she participated in graduation. She graduated in December. A semester early. I was going to write about how we homeschooled. How smart she is. How smart all my children are. What a great work ethic they both have. I was going to write about how disappointed her father and I were when the professor announcing her group forgot everyone's honors and how no one knew she graduated summa cum laude and no one knew what that Phi Beta Kappa neck scarf was...that only she worn. I was going to talk about how her father and grandfather wore jackets and ties (as did other men in their age group) and how at least half of the audience of family and friends wore jeans and tshirts. We went out to breakfast (the graduation took place at 8:30am!) and I didn't eat a salad on Friday.

Saturday is my farmer's market day. I was going to blog about the wonderful fruits (STRAWBERRIES) and vegetables (I bought beets for the first time....I have no clue what to do with them). I bought chip steak from the farmer who sells cheese, and lamb, and pork, and chicken, and eggs, and grass finished beef. It was the best chip steak I've ever cooked or eaten. There is now a French baker at the market. I bought sour dough bread and had an open faced Philly cheese steak with grass finished beef, fresh baked sour dough bread, fried fresh onions and peppers and mushrooms, and hand made cheese. Absolutely delicious!

Sunday I planned to blog. To write. But I didn't. Laundry to do. Errands to run. Dinners to make. Salads to toss. By the time I found the time to sit down and write it was time to set the table and finish dinner.

I like to write. I need to write. I don't ever find the time to write. Right now I smell dinner and bread. I hear the washer churning. The bed still needs to be made. And there is a pile of towels on the step ready to go upstairs and be put away.

But I did make a salad today and I did take a photo. And I did eat it. (and as my husband is so fond of saying)...so therefore what?