my computer died....

Last Monday morning, after a night of genealogical research, I turned on my computer before going for my walk and it wouldn't start. It wouldn't stop either. It kept trying to turn on...but it couldn't. Fortunately we have other computers in the house so I turned one of them on and began researching what the problem was. As best I could figure I had a "worm". A worm!!! After fiddling with it all day my husband came home and finally got it to stop cycling and actually turn on. But I lost nearly everything. We managed to save some photos... I think. But then, thanks to younger daughter's additional computer savvy...we decided to let it all go. What if, in our effort to save, we just transferred the worm and gave it back to ourselves. So we let everything else go. Then we started the long process of bringing the computer back. It took all week! It was horrible. It was terrible. Once before we had a computer that just died...it was like having a corpse in the house. We've had a computer in the house for 22 years...but I never realized how important that little machine is to my functioning. It's amazing how not having it available changes my mood and my outlook (no pun intended). But, with a family of computer geniuses...I'm back.

Despite my inability to use my computer and blog about my delicious and nutritious salads...I did, in fact, each my salad every day. Yesterday I had to go shopping for birthday gifts. Husband and younger daughter have birthdays next week and older daughter at the end of the month. I thought my errands would take me just a couple of hours but I was on a roll and so I stopped at a local upscale supermarket and bought a salad. It was a very nice day here so I took it to my car and ate there. Eating in the car is not my favorite thing to do (unless on a road trip of some sort) and salad was not what I wanted. But I did what I had to do. I realized yesterday how much I hate eating low-carb. I could easily have stopped for a slice of pizza. There were fresh soft pretzels everywhere. And a new Five Guys has just opened where I was shopping. Five Guys...delicious burgers and unbelievably good fries. But I had a salad. I don't do restrictions well so I have to stick to what I say. No cheating. Ever. Because one soft pretzel is just the thin edge of the wedge and I'd eat a dozen of them, dipped in mustard, of course.

Next week for the two birthdays I've searched high and low to address the cake situation. Daughter is going to have this delicious sponge cake (2 eggs, 1/3 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour...I use whole wheat pastry flour...beat the eggs and sugar until white and fluffy...fold in the flour bake 20 -25 minutes at 350) with homemade whipped cream and fresh strawberries. I'm going to dip some in chocolate (just melted chips) for the top decoration. For husband I've found a similar recipe for a chocolate fudge cake. I'll let you know how it comes out.

Of course I went to the farmer's market today and bought quarts and quarts of strawberries, tomatoes (hot house), zucchini, LETTUCE!, asparagus, eggs, pork breakfast sausage, bacon, soup bones, cheddar cheese, colby cheese, dill cheese, and savory herb cheese (tastes like pizza!), cucumbers, spinach, and more LETTUCE!.

I also bought grass fed beef chipped steak and a fresh small round loaf of sourdough bread. Lately our Saturday night dinner is my version of a cheese steak. I fry up some onions, mushrooms, and peppers first. Then I quickly fry up the steak, toss the vegetables on top with some cheese, usually provolone, and serve it over a slice of toasted sourdough bread. Essentially an open faced cheese steak. Delicious! (and every one thinks so too!)

And this week I bought some plants and flowers....dill, foxglove, and two I don't know what they are, but they're pretty, they grow in shade, and I'm going to give them a try.

After the farmer's market I had to go to another supermarket for some low sugar ice cream followed by a quick trip to a local big box book store (husband printed out coupons). Just as we were leaving the sky opened. It' s been pouring all afternoon! Tomorrow is supposed to be a gorgeous day ...I'm planning on some porch time (although the laundry's piling up again).

Today's salad was a winner...lettuce with viniagrette...seaweed salad, olives, tomatoes, cucumbers, grilled tofu, colby cheese, avocado, garbanzo beans, red pepper, artichoke. And a new plate that older daughter found for me.

Glad to be back on line...not sure how I feel about missing it so much!

Lunch on the Porch at last!

Saturday I went to the farmer's market. It was a little smaller because the town where the market is held was having their annual street fair. The parking lot where the market is usually located was needed for parking so the farmer's had to display their wares up a small side street that connects said parking lot with the main street where the fair was. Imagine having a table of strawberries and asparagus directly in front of your house! Delightful! I noticed the prices were a little higher. I hope that was just for the day and not a reflection of things to come. Although, gasoline prices being what they are I wouldn't be surprised.

I bought lots of strawberries because we love them, they have a short season (although we've had delicious ones three weeks running), and my oldest child was making a strawberry shortcake (actually a sponge cake with strawberries and homemade whipped cream) to take to work. She is a nurse and had to work but everyone was bringing something so they are having a nice lunch together.

The rest of us are home. Having a quiet day. We're actually sitting on the porch!

And we had lunch (salad, of course) on the porch too. At last. I love to eat outside. Today and all weekend the weather has been just perfect! Salads outside on my porch...it almost makes you forget just how much lettuce is in the bowl!

There is a tiny bird that was evicted from one of the corner pillars on the porch. The contractor and I hung a bird house on the lilac bush just a few feet from the pillar location. The bird was very nervous when the old pillar (with the hole in the top) was removed. But now, it seems, the little bird has taken us residence in the birdhouse. She has a really beautiful song and is very tiny. She sits on the branch next to the porch and sings even while we're sitting just a few feet away. I'm not really sure what kind of bird she is. I always think the birds in my yard are rare and exotic and far away from where they should be...but they turn out to be exactly where they should be. Lots of birds in the yard this year. And lots of nests. Just the other week we watched as three baby robins learned to fly.

better than nothin'

I went shopping today to buy an OFF brand mosquito repellant candle type thing. It's the one on the television commercial that is supposed to keep mosquitos far, far away. Mosquitos love to bite me. They sing and dance and hold social gatherings around me just so they can suck my blood. I was all set to spend this summer on my SCREENED IN porch. No such luck. The porch had to be completely rebuilt and cost twice the original bid. The porch was also supposed to be done in two weeks. Today it is finally done. Six weeks. So unscreened, no new front doors (something I've wanted for 20 years), but finally done. Better than nothin'.

So I went shopping to buy these mosquito repellant things. There is a television commercial that directs you to a website where you get to sign your life away for some coupons that can only be printed after you get the secret password. So I did all of that and tucked the coupons in my wallet and set out to make my purchase. I am determined to get a lot of use out of this porch as I've been told it will last longer than me!

The first store I went to did not have what I wanted to buy so I went to another. Aha! Eureka! There tucked in the back by the decorative citronella candles (which I also bought because I love the way they smell) I found the product described on the coupon. Actually two coupons. One coupon was one dollar off a refill pack (3 candles) and the other coupon was to buy one of the candle holder thingys and get one for free. This was a pretty good deal. The refill pack was $4.92 and I had a coupon for $1 off. The candle thingy was $6.79 and I would get one for free. Excellent! I picked up two candle thingys and one refill and headed to the cashier. I put my items on the conveyor to pay and handed the elderly cashier my two colorful coupons that I had just printed out on my home computer printer. She seemed a little perplexed but the customer before me had used a handful of coupons so I knew she had some experience with them. Cash in hand I watched her ring up the refills. $4.92. Then the two candle thingys. $6.79. $6.79. Okay...coupon time. She huffed and puffed and scanned coupon #1. Minus $1. Then she huffed and puffed some more and scanned another coupon. Minus $1. Oh no! Trouble. And Jack who was behind me in line with his mother (who was on her cell phone) was trying to see if he could make the scanner beep with his toy car. The cashier was getting a little nervous and Jack's mother turned her back on the whole thing.

What to do? Excuse me, I said. One of those coupons is supposed to be for the candle holder and it's supposed to be buy one get one free. Hmprf says the cashier. Oh yes. She squinks at the computer screen that is her register and adds $1 back. Then she types the bar code number from the coupon into the register. Minus $4.92. There! She says very pleased with herself. But I say...it's supposed to take off $6.79. She looks at me. She looks at her screen. She looks at the coupon. She looks at the candle thingy. Jack's mother finally looks at him. And she turns to me and say....Well, it's better than nothin'.

Well, yes, it is better than nothin'. I think. But it isn't right. And then I quickly decide if the $1.87 I am owed is worth the fight. Will bringing the store to a screeching halt on this Thursday morning be worth my $1.87. And now Jack is trying to climb on the conveyor with his cars and new clothes and his mother has actually walked away. The elderly cashier is huffing and puffing and staring at me. And so I give in and say...I guess it is.

I came home and was disappointed with myself. I should have made her figure it out. She could see what the price was. She wrote the price on the coupon so the store will get the whole $6.79. Disgusted with my self for caving so quickly, I ate yet another lunch salad.

But...I thought. I'm not a pushover. I'm making pizza for dinner. For the first time in months I'm having pizza. I'm not having a slice of Joe's which is what I desperately want. I'm making my own dough (full of whole grains and soy) because I'm going to beat this blood glucose thing and I'm going to make the best, most delicious alternative pizza crust this world has ever seen!!!

And I did (or at least I tried). The recipe includes whole wheat flour, soy flour, oatmeal bran flour, golden flax, olive oil (among a very few other things).

I mix my pizza dough in my bread machine. I used to make regular pizza dough...with bread flour only. So, like a chemist, I design this new recipe and pour it all into the bread machine. It smells a little funny (the soy flour, I think) but it looks like dough. When it's done I try to dump it out of the dough mixing pan and a lot of it sticks. Not a good sign. The dough has a weird texture. Not a good sign. But I work it out. Remember, this is going to be the best pizza ever! I bake the dough a little before I put the toppings on. Sauce. Cheese. Mushrooms. Spinach. The pizza goes in the oven and we all wait. My family at the table. It smells like pizza they say. And I make salad. If it's a disaster, I say, we'll eat scramble eggs.

The pizza comes out of the oven and, despite a more textured looking dough, it looks like pizza. I bring it to the table. Husband cuts it. We all dig in.

It's crisp. The cheese is good. No, no it's good.

No. It's better than nothin'

Now I am not a better than nothin' person. I am a this is the best person. Better than nothin' has been swirling around me for months. I don't like it. I don't like it with coupons. I don't like it with home repairs. I don't like it when trying to get time to do something. I certainly don't like it with pizza crust. My husband tells me that I need to let myself win once in a while. How can I do that when I have to accept, without complaint, so many things that are better than nothin'.

It's hard to blog backwards.

I've been trying very hard to blog every day. Continuity is important. And blogging (writing) lowers my blood glucose level. It really does. But last week was very busy and I am not very good and removing myself from the hub-bub to write. I've written about that before.

I sit at my computer and stare at this box that wills me to fill it. And I do. When I make the time to sit down. Right now there is a pot roast roasting, bread rising in my bread machine, laundry in both the washer and dryer. And in the back of my head are chores to be done that always occupy a piece of my consciousness.

I thought I would sit down today and blog backwards. I would blog about the waiting room and the hours I spent in it on Thursday at The Endo Center (a surgical facility where my husband had a colonoscopy). I was going to write wittily about the fact that no one waits in the waiting room for the patient anymore. This is husband's fourth procedure and the first three the people waiting talked and had a comraderie. Now people come in for the procedure...the people driving the patients home just leave a cell phone number and come back when the procedure is over. I sat in the same chair for almost four hours. A little boy sat with his mother while his father was checking in. When are we going, he whined. As soon as we get rid of Daddy, she replied. Nice. Very nice. A very old man accompanied his wife. He came in first. She followed. He checked in. She stood behind him. They called HER name to go in and he got up to go with her. They made him wait in the waiting room. He did. And I did. And when we finally arrived home...I made salads for lunch.

Friday my youngest daughter graduated from college. More correctly, she participated in graduation. She graduated in December. A semester early. I was going to write about how we homeschooled. How smart she is. How smart all my children are. What a great work ethic they both have. I was going to write about how disappointed her father and I were when the professor announcing her group forgot everyone's honors and how no one knew she graduated summa cum laude and no one knew what that Phi Beta Kappa neck scarf was...that only she worn. I was going to talk about how her father and grandfather wore jackets and ties (as did other men in their age group) and how at least half of the audience of family and friends wore jeans and tshirts. We went out to breakfast (the graduation took place at 8:30am!) and I didn't eat a salad on Friday.

Saturday is my farmer's market day. I was going to blog about the wonderful fruits (STRAWBERRIES) and vegetables (I bought beets for the first time....I have no clue what to do with them). I bought chip steak from the farmer who sells cheese, and lamb, and pork, and chicken, and eggs, and grass finished beef. It was the best chip steak I've ever cooked or eaten. There is now a French baker at the market. I bought sour dough bread and had an open faced Philly cheese steak with grass finished beef, fresh baked sour dough bread, fried fresh onions and peppers and mushrooms, and hand made cheese. Absolutely delicious!

Sunday I planned to blog. To write. But I didn't. Laundry to do. Errands to run. Dinners to make. Salads to toss. By the time I found the time to sit down and write it was time to set the table and finish dinner.

I like to write. I need to write. I don't ever find the time to write. Right now I smell dinner and bread. I hear the washer churning. The bed still needs to be made. And there is a pile of towels on the step ready to go upstairs and be put away.

But I did make a salad today and I did take a photo. And I did eat it. (and as my husband is so fond of saying)...so therefore what?

slow day

I've been doing a lot of searching today for a low flour, low sugar vanilla birthday cake for my youngest daughter's upcoming birthday. I think I've found one. A genoise. A French sponge cake.

Youngest daughter tries to eat in the low carbohydrate fashion that we old folks here are trying to follow. I think she's doing very well at it too. Despite the fact that we've always eaten fresh and healthy foods for the most part, we've recently cut out high fructose corn syrup, white flour and sugar, and things highly processed. We eat organic free range, naturally fed meats. And I make almost everything we eat from scratch. I feel better and healthier and that, I suppose, makes it all worth it.

I've been searching for this cake because her birthday is two days before her father's. He has requested a flourless chocolate cake. She has requested the white cake. I think, because she loves chocolate, that she chooses the white cake because I'm allergic to chocolate and she wants me to be able to eat cake with her. At least that's what I suspect.

I"m going to try the sponge cake and I'm going to put whipped cream and fresh strawberries in the middle. And I'm going to put whipped cream on top with some chocolate dipped strawberries for decoration.

I had a nice salad today with my crossword puzzle. Red and green leaf lettuce with olive oil and vinegar, mozzarella balls, cucumber, mushrooms, tuna salad. Some whole wheat crackers. A cup of tea. They said on the news the other day that doing crossword puzzles keeps your brain young. I like to be able to work out the puzzle.

Just my youngest and I will be eating dinner tonight. Husband is doing the prep for his colonoscopy tomorrow. Oldest is working. Just the two of us for dinner. She has asked for ham steak with fried apple slices. I'll also be making asparagus and zucchini with tomatoes. A pea salad (you know...lettuce, peas, cheddar cheese, a little mayo). Strawberries for dessert.

Slow day. Different schedule.

About last night...

Last night I had a delicious dinner. I had peas and whole wheat noodles with dry curd cottage cheese (my grandmother's recipe altered to fit my new lifestyle!) I roasted some grass fed, free range chickens. The first time I roasted one of these completely natural chickens it was horrible. I mean horrible. Inedible! I bought this chicken over the weekend from the farmer's market. The name of the farm and a website was on the label. I went to the website because I was curious. The farmer had an entire page devoted to how to cook his chickens! He said at the outset that if you try to roast his chickens quickly and at a high temperature like we're told to do now by all the important and famous chefs of the moment you will get a chicken that resembles a hockey puck in texture. He used the words hocky and puck together. Well, I sat up and took notice because, in fact, I had turned his chicken into a hockey puck and was sorely disappointed. I figured I would just turn all of those chickens into soup. They were delicious in soup. So, after reading the roasting directions on line from the man himself, I put my two thawed chicken halves into a roasting dish, squeezed a lemon over them, salted and peppered them, put a pat of butter on each, and slid them into the oven for 3 hours at 300 degrees. They were delicious! Moist, tender, crispy skin on top. Just delicious! Low and slow!

When I put the bowl of whole wheat noodles and dry cottage cheese on the table my oldest daughter got excited. Food she was used to! At last! And then she tasted it. It's good...she said. But I prefer regular egg noodles. But it's close enough. Whole wheat pasta has a different taste and texture than regular eggs noodles. She was right. Good. Close. Not the old favorite.

Eating the low carb way to lose weight and lower my blood glucose levels make sense. I don't want to take medications like that. I want to be in control of my body and my health. But it's difficult. The internet is full of information that doesn't always say the same things. There are tons of books...confusing.

The truest thing I've read about eating a healthy low carb diet is that you have to make everything from scratch. And even that is difficult because the world is full of chemicals and sugar. Everywhere.

My youngest daughter is following the low carb diet with us. Very closely. Her birthday is in less than a month. She would love a vanilla cake with buttercream icing. But she doesn't want to eat it because of how much of a cheat that will be on her new life diet. I'd like to make her a small one and have all of us eat a healthy portion of it. I can't think about the possibility that I will never eat a piece of cake again.

I was discussing the birthday cake issue with my husband. He asked if he could have a particular favorite cake that I make. I told him it's very high in carbs but I could work on lowering them. No, he said simply. He said he doesn't need to eat that cake again. I snapped. I said that I can't do this and live the rest of my life not being able to eat certain foods that I love, not only for how they taste but for what they represent in my family, my life, I can't think about not ever eating these foods again. Not ever? I know that sounds like I'm a spoiled child. What if eating that food would cause an allergic reaction...well of course, that's different. I'm allergic to chocolate. I don't eat it. Ever. But the spectrum is too big now. He doesn't understand how I feel about food...and I don't understand how he does. To him it's fuel to keep his body alive...to me the process of cooking, the pairing of flavors ...that's life. I can remember what was on my hospital tray just after I'd given birth to my first child. Life isn't food...but food is life.

I will continue to eat my salads for lunch (and dinner). I will continue to cut out carbs and calculate what I eat. I will continue to test my glucose level twice a day. But I am waiting for the day that I can have a cheese steak, a slice of pizza, a warm bagel. I have to believe that day is coming. I have to.

Strawberries!!!

This morning I went to my favorite farmer's market. It was overcast and chilly but the place was still bustling. I tried to get to talk to my favorite bakery man (he makes the absolute best pumpkin donuts with this sweet little crunchy stuff on top...and I can't eat them any more). I wanted to tell him that I still love him ...but I can't buy his stuff. Luckily his table was very busy. As I walked down the market center (I like to see who has what before I start buying) I saw a table full of the first strawberries of the year. And just walking past I could smell them!

I think my favorite aspect of shopping at the farmer's market is the seasonal change of the vegetable offerings. I love that now is asparagus and strawberries and in a while there will be zucchini and tomatoes and eggplant and peaches and watermelon. The height of the summer is just terrific. Everything is so fresh and it all tastes so good.

Once again for very little money I filled my little cart. When I go alone I always bring a little pull cart to carry my purchases. Today I went alone so I had my own bags and my little pull cart.

So first I went to a large farm stand run by a husband and wife and they always have a variety of kids from about 12 to 18 years old running the stand. Huge display. Great prices. I bought kirby cucumbers, red peppers, zucchini, celery, leeks, new white potatoes, Boston lettuce, red leaf lettuce, and green leaf lettuce. Next I went to my favorite farmer. He is an older man and has his college aged grandson working with him. He doesn't have a huge stand but all of his vegetables are freshly picked the morning of the market. From him I bought aspargus, strawberries, and hot house tomatoes. Next to him is another favorite farmer who, at this time, is selling flower and vegetable plants. I bought two patio tomatoes that already have flowers on them! There is an older gentleman who volunteers there (many of the workers are from the town and volunteer their time helping the farmers). He brings me recipes. Me and another woman, he told me today. He said he had a recipe for a peanut stew for me last week but he didn't catch me and this week he forgot it. He's going to get me next week he said. After that stop I dropped things in my car and went back to my meat and cheese lady. I bought some more smoked cheddar and she had some new cuts of meat. I bought two half chickens to roast, and some filet mignon. I also got some bacon and eggs. And I bought a new cut of steak called a petite steak. It comes from somewhere near the chuck and is supposed to be very good. I'll let you know tomorrow....that's what I'm cooking for Mother's Day. After the meat and cheese lady I went all the way to the end of the market to a farmer who I always like to buy from. He is a very friendly and nice man. He sells lots of different fruits and vegetables...great peaches later and fabulous yams and white sweet potatoes...and homemade honey and fruit butters. I bought apple butter...with honey and unsweetened. My oldest likes apple butter on her waffles in the morning and I like it on crepes. My mother used to make them for dinner on a Friday night...palicinka she called them. We used prune lekvar to stuff them...but apple butter works too.

Simple salad for lunch today. Mixed lettuce, smoked cheddar, cucumbers, mushroom, tuna salad, avocado, "new" whole grain crackers with flax!

I was having a bit of a low carb diet fit. My blood glucose numbers have been very good but I want to eat pizza and bread and boiled parlied potatoes and macaroni and cheese. And, while I may be able to cheat at some time in the future, I don't feel as if I can now. And to make matters worse, I woke up at 5am absolutely starving! Last night's dinner was good...but I guess it didn't have enought staying power. (Vegetable soup and BLT Salads). And it seems like when I am at my weakest the universe sends me a message, or two or three, to keep my focus on the path ahead. A couple of things happened that kept me from buying that baguette (new bread bakers at the market!!!). First...a friend and helper of the cheese and meat farmer fairly shrieked at "how good" I looked. She noticed that I'd lost a lot of weight since she last saw me. (Getting noticed always feels good). Second...the honey man and I were talking about the carb values on the apple butter. He told me his wife was a diabetic. She'd had gestational diabetes, then type 2 diabetes. She'd lost weight, but then gained it all back and more. Now she's takes insulin injections. I bought the sugar free apple butter. Made sure I had enough lettuce in my cart. And walked right past the French baker to my car. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal...but believe me, it was!

Salad Days

"Salad days" is an idiomatic expression, referring to a youthful time, accompanied by the inexperience, enthusiasm, idealism, innocence, or indiscretion that one associates with a young person. More modern use, especially in the United States, refers to a person's heyday when somebody was at the peak of his/her abilities—not necessarily in that person's youth.
The phrase was coined in Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra in 1606. In the speech at the end of Act One in which Cleopatra is regretting her youthful dalliances with Julius Caesar she says:
"...My salad days, / When I was green in judgment, cold in blood..."
The phrase only became popular from the middle of the nineteenth century on, coming to mean “a period of youthful inexperience or indiscretion." The metaphor comes from Cleopatra's use of the word 'green'—a word which has a meaning indicating someone youthful, inexperienced, or immature. The probable allusion is to certain leafy plants (such as dandelions) which are edible when young and tender.

Salad Days. Hmm. Are these my salad days, now that I'm eating a salad every day for lunch? Are my salad days behind me? Are my salad days yet to come?

I know when I was younger I was definitely cuter...but was I in my hey day? I hope not! I made lots of mistakes and did lots of stupid things that, when I think back, make me cringe. But, like I sad, very attractive and we all know that lots of idiotic behavior is forgiven if one is cute.

Are these days my salad days? I mean, I am eating a trendous amount of lettuce and greens. Could this be the best it gets? I hope not! I'm still working things out. I'm still trying to find my place. I envy those women my age and younger who have it all together. I knew a girl who married at 20 and was very excited to be planning her own Tupperware party. Seriously. She said she'd waited for years and was very, very excited. It must be nice to find what you want so easily.

I'm hoping my salad days aren't here yet. I have so much I still want to do. I don't have to do much....I want to do much. I'm all grown up and have raised children to be lovely, intelligent responsible adults. I've made a home for decades. I really don't have to do more. I don't even have to do much to be satisfied with what my time on the planet has produced. But I want to do so much more. And I can't figure out how to do that without making the important people around me think that I'm selfish. That's a hard one for me to solve. I cook and clean and do wash and shop for food and really want to spend a large portion of my day being creative. But if I insist on that time for me...to be creatively productive...then the rest will suffer....and the important people will suffer and I will feel that I'm being selfish putting my wants (and needs often) in front of household chores and maintenance. Right now there's a mountain of laundry to do. There is flour on the kitchen floor that someone spilled. I have to bake a loaf of bread for breakfast. I have to make a final plan for dinner. I have to make the bed...and vacuum and dust and etc. And I don't want to do any of it. But I will. Because it has to get done and I'm the one who does it. And if someone else does it, I will feel selfish. And if I don't do it I will feel useless and a failure.

How do I turn those feelings around? I haven't got a clue.

The porch is done...almost!

The porch is done. Almost! It's done in that I've paid for it. There should be no more bills. No more additions. No more hidden disasters. The total $17,760.13. Not bad for an $8000 bid. I am shocked, chagrined, depressed. But I do not feel as though I've been taken. The man who works for me is an honest, hard working man. The house is old and when the floorboards came up it was like a black hole. People ride by the house and slow down. Neighbors who never speak to us have come to admire the work. Two people even asked if they could have estimates...I'm not sure they're prepared! So...the porch is done...almost. A second coat of stain has to be done and the gobs of oak pollen falling from the sky are making that impossible for the next few days.

I had another small quick salad. I actually had to go out and buy more lettuce. I've used up all the lettuce I bought at the farmer's market and it's only Wednesday! Tomorrow I'll have more energy to create a work of salad art...I'll be without workman at my house for the first time in a month!!!

all these years....

Today's photo is not of today's salad. I took a picture. It came out very well (if I say so myself)..and I couldn't get it in the right place to load it here. So, instead, you have a photo of two of the three lamps over my kitchen sink. And a view out my kitchen window.

The salad today was simple. A mixture of lettuce with olive oil and vinegar, an ounce of a nice hard cheddar cut into a few pieces, tuna, 1/2 an avocado. My oldest had today off from work so she was with me. We both went to breakfast with a friend (who also happens to be family, by marriage) and so the lunch was simpler, smaller, and later than usual. The workman are still here. It seems now the porch is becoming mysteriously hard to finish. I am promised tomorrow. We'll see.

Speaking of promises. Yesterday someone told me the story of her husband getting suddenly, dramatically, terribly, and nearly fatally ill. She told me every detail. This happened. Then that happened. And then...she told me...she went into the chapel at the hospital and prayed to God. She said that she said: "God don't do this to me! You can't do this to me!" And, miraculously, when she returned to the doctor for her husband had been taken to critical care...the doctor said that it was a miracle. He was going to be fine. He was one lucky guy. Naturally, when I heard this story, as everyone does, I thought of the times I had prayed ...hard. All of us who were brought up with religion and even many of us who weren't...pray when we're at our darkest hour. Some of us bargain with God. Please, give me what I want and I'll do this for You. Some of us pray for strength and guidance to understand and cope with what God has given us (that's what I was taught). But this woman told God what to do...she let him know that she was not to be messed with. God...don't do this to me! No mention of the husband fighting for his life. No mention of the benevolent God deserving of our love without reservation. No mention of God as all powerful and we just the servants. No...God...don't do this to me. And, to hear her tell it, God listened and did not do that to her. So I guess I've been doing it wrong all these years. I never thought to give God my motherly disciplinarian tone. I, frankly, thought he might be offended and make the suffering I was to endure even greater. But to be sure...nothing I've ever prayed hard to God to make happen has happened how I asked for it. He's given me plenty and plenty to deal with...and the strength to do so. But he's never just flat out listened to me and done exactly what I told Him. Maybe that's what He means by ask and you shall receive. I don't know...and I sure am not brave enough to try it. For now (and for the foreseeable future) I'll stick with the strengh and guidance thing and hope He gives me lots of both.

The Farmer's Market is OPEN!

Today was opening day of my local farmer's market! Finally! They only been closed since Thanksgiving but I have missed them terribly.

It's not a huge marketplace. They are situated in a parking lot with a raised transit line overhead. It's only open from 8:00AM to noon on Saturdays. But when I shop there I manage to buy all my produce for the week there and do not have to suffer with vegetables and fruit from faraway places. I hate to think about what must have been done to those strawberries to keep them nice and ripe all the way from the west coast. Now that my market is open my produce will be fresh and locally grown. And way less expensive. So today, instead of showing you a photo of my salad I'm going to show you what I bought to make my salad and feed my family for the week. Vegetable wise that is.

My general routine is to get up early on Saturday and get to the market no later than 8:30AM. When the first strawberries arrive if you get to them after that there are none to be had! And in the heat of the summer early is just more bearable. NJ in August can be more than stifling.

So...today was opening day. Several of the farmers welcomed me back to the market. Some even thanked me. I understand why but really it is me who should (and did) thank them for bringing affordable, healthy food to my table.

Usually my daughters like to go with me but the older was sleeping in as she was out late last night and the younger is sick with a cold. I do enjoy their company, but I also like going myself. Besides it was chilly and overcast this morning so I went quickly and came home quickly. I was home in a little less than one hour and I had to drive there as it's not in my town.

There were lots of farmers selling extra vegetable plants. Tomato plants mostly. Some had herbs. One farmer even had hanging strawberry plants in pots. I bought one of those last year and the birds ate all the berries before I could get to them. That same farmer will soon be bringing his Jersey Fresh strawberries for sale and I'll be happy to purchase them. Today he brought asparagus and hot house tomatoes. Which I bought.

Along with my vegetables I bought some hickory smoked cheddar cheese (delicious in a salad!), white bean spread (like hummus...very good!), eggs, two chickens, breakfast sausage, and a chuck roast. The beef is grass finished. (That means that animal has never eaten corn in a feed lot). Grass finished beef is lean, flavorful, and full of omega3s. If you have the opportunity, try it.

I bought 3 types of lettuce (red leaf, green leaf, Boston), zucchini, Kirby cucumbers, tomatoes, red potatoes, shallots, spinach, green beans, and scallions all for $19.75!

Tonight's dinner is chicken cutlets with parmesan and sesame seeds, garlic sauteed spinach, roasted asparagus, mashed sweet potatoes. All local and fresh!

mashed yams - chicken cutlets with parmesan and sesame seeds - roasted asparagus and sauteed spinach with parmesan

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water...

So...we've discussed the "porch" and how it started out with a bid of $8100 and reached $14,000. Well, two more pillars are rotted. And the job is now going to cost another $3,000. We're up to $17,000. Way past my comfort zone but I can't actually say leave the rotted pillars up and we'll take our chances with total collapse of the porch roof. Can I? No. I can't. I am officially tapped out...financially and emotionally. I don't even think I'm going to be able to enjoy sitting on the darn thing. And I'd better because I can't afford to do anything else.

Salads have been pretty normal of late. Haven't had much enthusiasm for creativity what with every time I walk out the front door I'm hit with more bad news. And I'm starting to get tired of another bed of lettuce covered with odd little things. Speaking of which, maybe I'll open a can of garbanzo beans. They're good. And different. At least for me.

My local farmer's market opens for the first time this season on Saturday. I'm excited!

Last night I made beef stew with grass finished beef cubes that I buy from one of the farmer/vendors. Because I purchased regularly from her she made arrangements with me and a few others to do a "winter program". So I had my happy beef stew made with carrots and green beans and leeks and butter beans (no potatoes! I love potatoes!). No potatoes. The beans are good. But they're not potatoes.


Nice salad today. Bibb lettuce, avocado, artichoke, farmer's cheese, tuna, cucumber, roasted red pepper, some multi-grain crackers.

Bread's done. And so is this post.