I took the day off.

I know. You're saying...hey, didn't you just go on a lengthy staycation?

Yes. Yes I did.

But today I got up and it was hot. It was hot last night. I was sweating while I was sleeping! And I got up just before dawn, like always, and made breakfasts and packed lunch. And I was hot. I turned the air conditioner on for breakfast! So, after everyone had gone and I had settled in with my soy yogurt and toast with peanut butter and my crossword puzzle and the morning news I thought about my plans for the day. My warm drive (No AC in the car yet) to the mall to walk. My warm drive back. Chores. Chores. Chores. Errands. And I just plain didn't feel like it. I wanted a day to do what I wanted to do. So I took the day off.

Now. I still did laundry and made the beds. I still went to the bank and the post office. I still am making dinner. But I went back and laid under the fan on my bed after breakfast and I read a book. I took a longer than usual shower. I surfed the internet. I took the day off. And I may take tomorrow off too.

she also serves who only stands and waits...

There are only a few things that can get me down and they seem to happen with distressing regularity. One BIG thing I can't stand is having to wait. I hate to wait. Hate it.

Friday morning I was on my way home from walking and the supermarket when my normally frigid car air conditioner got hot. I mean hot. It went from ice cold to winter time heat in less than a minute. I timed it. I conducted experiments to be sure it was the air conditioner. I have sold cars because their air conditioning broke. I don't like to sweat and I don't like to wait. So July in the mid-Atlantic with no AC is a bad place for me to be.

Back in November I hit a deer and had my car repaired by a very reliable place. Part of the repair work involved the AC and heat. I was given a life time guarantee in that if anything went wrong with the work done by this place during the life of the car (the time I owned it) they would make the repair for free. So, naturally, when my air conditioner went on the fritz I called them. A very nice young man named John told me to bring it in and they would look at it. Of course, this was Friday afternoon so I told him I'd be in first thing Monday morning. So first thing this morning I went to the collision place. I sat and waited for over 90 minutes and when the car was returned to me I was told that the AC compressor was gone. Done. Kaput. And that they didn't do anything to the AC compressor so they couldn't fix it. They couldn't even fix it if I gave them money! The mechanic told me the car was fine to drive but I was not to even turn on the AC...bad things would happen. Belts would break and such.

So I drove home, with the windows open, and called my dealer. Aside from the deer collision I have always taken my car to the dealer for service. A very nice young woman answered the phone and gave me a price to repair the AC in my car. In the meantime husband (after I called and told him what happened) sent me links with regard to a nationwide problem cars of my make, model, and year are having that sound eerily like my problem. And the prices people are getting to repair the car are in the thousands. Well, the nice young woman calls me back and gives me the price $868.48. I make sure we're talking about the same thing and then I ask about this larger documented problem. She explains that she' s new but she will look into it.

The part will take 2 to 5 days to come in and then she will call me (oh...I'll be calling her by Friday if I hear nothing) and then we will set up an appointment.

And here I am. Waiting. I'm waiting for the part. I'm waiting for the nice young woman to find out about the bigger problem. I'm waiting for one daughter to shower so we can go out. I'm waiting for the next heat wave to come.

I watched a report on the news this morning about the death of Randy Pausch. Dr. Pausch told us in his last lecture not to wait...to go out and live our dreams. I believe that we should. I believe that most people in this world are not having enough fun day to day. But when we go about having all kinds of wild fun...who's waiting for the car place to call, for the bread to rise, for the dryer cycle to finish, for everyone to come home to dinner?

That would be me.

The summer's bounty of fruit and vegetables is in. The farmer's market overflows with beautiful fresh, locally grown goodness. I realized yesterday as my bags and baskets overflowed and my daughter's arms and shoulders were loaded down, that, aside from dairy products like milk and yogurt, I shop almost exclusively at my local farmer's market.

The farmer's know me by name and always smile when I stop and shop at their tables. Yesterday was wonderful. Again. The weather was nice, not humid and the tables were overflowing. I bought green and yellow string beans, three varieties of eggplant (and there were more I could have), tomatoes and tomatoes and tomatoes (they are meaty and sweet this year...just delicious...my lunch salad is simply a little lettuce, a lovely tomato, and some fresh mozzarella cheese), corn on the cob, zucchini (green and yellow, not to be confused with yellow squash), lettuce, cucumbers (the little kirbys are my favorite...youngest daughter and I will be making more pickles this week. The first batch are delicious already.), green onions, sweet potatoes, yellow watermelon, red watermelon, peaches (still cling), the first apples (Pristine by name...tart sweet...love them!), red peppers, green peppers, green Cubanelle peppers (love them in eggs!), raspberries, and squash blossoms (stuffed with cheese and fried!), and cantaloupe...large and soft ball sized and the beef and pork and chicken and bacon and sausages and lamb (someone this week told me how mild it is...I'm going to try it. I always hated lamb as a kid...we'll see!). I haven't eaten this well since I was a kid. The quality of the food is the best.

I do understand that most people do not shop for food the way I do. Most people don't enjoy food the way I do...seeing it, touching it, imagining recipes, preparing. But I don't understand the people who get up early and make their way to and through the market just to NOT buy anything. How can you argue with cucumbers that are six for a dollar, zucchini four for a dollar, one dollar eggplants and one dollar cantaloupes?

On Saturday, like many other Saturdays, I saw more than one person take the free sample apples and peaches from those generous farmers and not buy any. They even sell single pieces. I was buying three little cantaloupes. Husband loves them for breakfast. They are local and sweet and they are no bigger than a soft ball. I was picking out three. My daughters had already gone to the car to unload and the three little loupes were my last purchase. A husband and wife in their late thirties were walking the market. She with coffee and flowers in hand. He stops near me, watching. She says (in not so lilting tones) what are you stopping for? He...to buy a cantaloupe. (The melons he was looking at were the size of bowling balls for $3). For $3 she says (coffee and flowers already close to $20). He looks at me...deflated. I say...these are a dollar and my husband loves them. Whyyyyyyyy? She asked all drawn out and irritated. I say because they are very sweet and the right size for his breakfast. Her husband looks up, smiling at her. She does not look convinced. After all a whole dollar on her husband's breakfast. Then I add that my father eats his cantaloupe filled with ice cream. For breakfast? she shrieks. I say...he's 84. Her husband says he can eat anything he wants. His shoulders droop and he looks over my basket. I chose my cantaloupe and left. I don't know if he got his cantaloupe, I hope so, but it didn't look good for him. But neither was she buying corn or tomatoes or summer squash or sugar baby watermelons. Nothing. Flowers and coffee.

Often I hear (because they are not quiet) men and children ask for certain fruits and/or vegetables that they see so beautifully and appetizingly displayed only to have the woman of the group say no. I don't get it. Why are they at the market then?

I was buying those light green, sweet Cubanelle peppers...they're in season now. They are mild and delicious (especially in scrambled eggs!). A woman standing next to me asked me what I was going to do with them. I told her. The farmer's wife who was waiting on me told her what she does with them. We told her how delicious and easy to cook with they were. So she bought eight of them for two dollars instead of just four for one dollar and she and her husband went away happy and talking and discussing how they would eat those lovely peppers with Italian sausage and with eggs.

The tables of fruits and vegetables are attractive. But they are not all fixed for you. You have to peel and chop and season and cook them. I think many women don't know how to do that anymore. I think many women think that cooking is something that, if they did it just to feed the family, would be a job beneath them. I've seen so many young women freeze when their significant other asks them how to cook this or that. Or when they hear that his mother used to cook this.

I wish I could tell them all how much love and pleasure you get back from just a little bit of effort chopping zucchini and frying it up with some onions and tomatoes. How much fun it is to cut the watermelon and sit on the porch spitting the seeds with your kids.

I have had to learn a whole new way of cooking that does not include potatoes and rice and pasta and white bread. It's an adventure. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. It's all in the trying. It's all part of the adventure.

I think in an effort to make our daughters stronger we took away the elements that make women who they are...the stronger sex. I wouldn't give up cooking dinner for my husband and family just as I wouldn't give up having given birth to my children. Women are different than men and I'm glad. I hope that I've taught my daughters that it isn't hard to be a good person.

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, …but they will always remember how you made them feel". (I don't remember who said that...but it's true)

It is a beautiful morning here made even more so after days of high heat and high humidity. Great night to sleep last night. Today I have plans to get lots accomplished before the next heat way hits. Laundry. Cleaning. Packing up six backpacks I've purchased (with supplies) for a collection drive in our county. I'm going to walk an extra lap and have something different in my salad. I haven't figured out what's for dinner yet but I know it will include salad and tomatoes and corn on the cob and a variety of summer vegetables. Tomorrow is the farmer's market and I like to have space in my refrigerator and to be surprised by what's new. I hope tomorrow morning is as nice as this one. The market can be awful on humid mornings.

Yesterday I read a long article about a study that doctor's did on controlling type 2 diabetes. The article said that doctors who participated in this "study" concluded that diet and exercise is the best and preferable way to control this problem but that it requires a radical and difficult lifestyle change that people are incapable of doing. There conclusion is diet, exercise, and medication for all. Well, I don't like to be told I can't do something and I don't like to be told that I'm not good enough to be able to do something. And, guess what, I did it. According to this report doctors want glucose numbers between 100 and 129 and they believe the only way to do that is through diet, exercise, and mostly medication. Well. I did it. My numbers run between 100 and 110. Without medication.

It is most definitely a life style change. But not that drastic. It's not like going from a house with running water and electricity to a tent. It's about choices. And it's very hard to make good choices when everything around us points us to bad choices under the guise of okay choices. A few years ago I purged my house of high fructose corn syrup. That was more difficult than low carbs. High fructose corn syrup is in everything. The real danger in this product is that, according to my reading, it raises glucose levels and helps us pack on the pounds and the body doesn't recognize it so it never tells you to stop eating it. We all can hear our bodies but we don't all listen. But HFC doesn't make a peep.

A low carb diet is difficult because pizza and sandwiches and fries and a burger are easy to get, easy to eat, and they taste good. I was shocked and suspicious years ago when I learned that the reason fast food fries have that golden brown color is the sugar that's sprayed on them BEFORE they're fried and doused in salt.

Here's what I can eat: eggs, cheese, steak, pork, chicken, turkey, fish of all kinds, lettuce, green beans, carrots, peas, corn, zucchini, tomatoes, peppers, bananas, grapes, peaches, plums, watermelon, strawberries, blueberrries, peanut butter, raspberries, whipped cream(!)...you get the idea.

Here's what I can't eat: white rice, white potatoes, white sugar, white flour.

I will admit that I have to make things from scratch more than not but that's okay with me. I enjoy cooking. I love eating. And I adore knowing exactly what is going into my body.

There is a lot of information out there with regard to the healthiest way for a body to eat. Much of it is hidden behind corn (there's lots of money in corn). But you have to gather it for yourself because the most successful diet (life style change) is one that you will stick with. I've done the research (and I continue everyday) and I've found a list of foods that work for me. I've lost 42 pounds and my glucose numbers are well within the normal range (without medication).

We've become a society that wants a quick fix. Anything worth having is worth working for. Why are we so unwilling to work at our health? Why are we so willing to relinquish our control over ourselves? I have a friend who has a friend who has been diagnosed with leukemia. My friends natural inclination, as is mine, is to research and learn about the problem and what can be done. Not this mother of four. She has told everyone she doesn't want to know anything about her illness. She simply went to her doctor and told him he didn't have to tell her anything she would do whatever he told her. Period.

Make no mistake. I am not some kind of food saint. I still dream about warm bagels and gooey pizza. But I also think about selling that novel and the next one and meeting my grandchildren.

After reading the articles yesterday I wondered exactly what those doctors eat every day and what they do to PREVENT illness in themselves and their patients. And I wonder how stupid they think their patients are. And then I wonder...well, you get it.

A thousand years ago when I taught high school English I used to get more than my share of the guys (and girls) who had failed a state administered minimum basic skills test. Nearly all of them only came to school half of the day, the other half they attended vocational classes at the county vocational school. They were studying to be mechanics and printers and beauticians and plumbers and electricians and they couldn't see why they had to take history and English and gym to get a job. And so they didn't always behave in a socially acceptable (for the hallowed halls of high school) manner. The first class of every year I gave them my short speech about that. I explained that everyone expected them to misbehave, to fail, to be nothing. Prove everyone wrong, I told them. Behave, do the work, graduate. Do the unexpected.

Do the unexpected. You're the big winner then.

Today my two grown daughters stayed home from work (one had off, one took off). We went out to breakfast (an easy low carb meal if you're careful about toast and leave off the potatoes). Then we did some errands. One of the errands was to drop off sports equipment, lined paper, games, hand held games, hand made blankets, toiletries, and other fun things to occupy time at a local pediatric (and teen) psychiatric ward at a local hospital. They have kids as young as five there that have problems and are admitted. My younger daughter used to volunteer there and saw a need for a variety of items so several times a year we donate what we've gathered or made. Locally an agency is collecting filled backpacks for school children in the area. So we went to the store and bought six backpacks. Three camo and three flowered and filled them. Notebook, paper, pens, pencils, markers, crayons, glue sticks, folders, pencil cases, erasers, rulers, scissors. And other fun things. Food is so expensive these days I don't know how young families afford things. In fact, going into the store we saw some one chased down and caught for shoplifting. Things are hard out there and I don't hear any presidential candidate saying what they're going to do to turn things around. That makes me nervous. But right now my kitchen table is filled, not with food, but school supplies in bright colors. When I have days like the other day when I felt invisible, I think of the different things I give (and I love being invisible then) to help and that makes me smile. So...I didn't think of my post of the other day as depressing although many others did ...just a too harsh observation of my reality I guess.

Spending a day with my "girls" was a very good thing!

It's still hot. The local weather people keep saying it's going to break. Today. Really today. Really, really today. And it's still hot. My computer is in a non-air conditioned room. There are fans in the hallway blowing the cool air past me. I have a little fan that blows right in my face...it sits on top of the CPU.

Today I had such plans. I was going to do only what needed to be done and then I was going to get started on the business of trying to get an agent for that novel I just finished. I've been reading blogs and books and researching. This is a very big task and I really have no idea how to go about it.

So what did I do today instead of that? I made three beds, walked three miles, did three loads of laundry, roasted a chicken, made pea salad, zucchini. I shopped at the grocery store for just a few items ($60 and only one bag!). I cleaned the front porch and watered my plants. I filled the bird bath and watered my herbs. I made my salad for lunch. And I made a loaf of rye bread. First time for rye. I would like to make a rueben sandwich for dinner tomorrow night and most rye bread has high fructose corn syrup in it. And I just wanted to try it myself.

I feel stuck. I clean and nothing gets cleaner. I work and nothing gets done. I worked seven years on that novel and now I'm just stymied as to what to do next. I'm probably just suffering from heat inertia. Or maybe I suffer from irrelevancy. I am of a certain age...no longer middle (Hey...if I double my age I'm dead!). I am invisible, irrelevant, and useless. At least that's how I feel a lot of the time. Especially when I'm at the grocery store. I don't think I've ever ignored people ever. My family knows that I talk to everyone. Now I don't.

Today there was a young mother in the produce area. She had her beautiful little girl in one of those carts that looks like a car. In a very loud voice she asked the little girl (somewhere around 2 years old) if she wanted an apple. Oh, yes! And the little girl started to climb out of the car/cart. The mother then told her not to get out of the car just tell her which apple she wanted. Do you want this one or this one? She kept asking over and over, pointing to one of each of two varieties of apples. Do you want this one or this one? Louder. Louder. No don't get out. Louder. All the little one wanted to do was pick the apple...like her mother said she could. And she didn't know why her mother kept saying no. No. Don't get out. No. This one or this one. No. No. No. In no time at all the mother was angry. The little girl was in tears. The aisle was blocked. Other kids were watching and getting worried. I wanted to say...just let her pick up the apple she wants. Let her get out of the car and pick the apple. But I didn't. I turned around and went to a different aisle. Kids were crying all over the store. Mothers were frazzled. I know how to be a mother and raise terrific people. I've done it. But no one wants to hear what I have to say. I'm a more than middle aged woman alone in the store looking at someone else's child. Invisible. Irrelevant.

Maybe tomorrow I'll indulge myself and stay home.

how do you feel?

It's hot. Too hot. And humid. Too humid. I live in an old house with little AC. Window units and strategically place fans hum all day and night. And I'm never cool enough. I take cool showers. I don't like cool showers.

I went to the farmer's market Saturday morning. It was hot. And humid. At eight o'clock in the morning. The market is booming. This is the most plentiful time of the year. I bought all kinds of delicious fruits and vegetables. My refrigerators are bulging!

I had breakfast with a friend after the market on Saturday morning. She said positive things about how I look because of the weight loss of the low carb change of life. She asked how I feel. She said she thought when a person eats low carbs they are tired. Carbs are energy. Well, that's true. But I get natural carbs from fruits and vegetables. I do low carb...not no carb.

How do I feel. Physically I feel terrific. I'm lighter so my knees don't ache. I eat easily digested food so I never feel full or bloated. I don't have indigestion ever. Friday night we had corn on the cob, a medley of summer squash, salad, green beans, filet mignon, and yellow watermelon for dessert. Delicious. Light (yes, light!). No problem. I don't get sluggish. I do get tired...but then I do get up at before 6 am. And it's hot. I don't sleep well when it's hot.

I've lost my favorite nightgown. It's pale yellow with tiny imperceptible purple polka dots. It has a v-neck and cap sleeves. It goes down past my knees to the middle of my shin and it's made of 100% cotton. It's my favorite. It's perfect on hot summer nights. It's been washed so often that it's soft and cool. It's long enough that I can sleep without a sheet on me and still be covered. I don't know where it is. It's lost. I've been to the bottom of the laundry pile and it's not there. I've cleaned out my nightgown drawer and it's not there. And here's the question. How could I have lost an entire nightgown? And my favorite one at that. How do I feel...disturbed, upset, frustrated, and awfully silly to worry so about a nightgown. About an old nightgown at that. Some people will tell you that carbs make you happy. That may be so. I never did meet a piece of crusty bread or a slice of pizza that couldn't make me smile. But right now the only things that will make me smile are a thunderstorm to break this weather and my old yellow nightgown.

It's been a very long day. But productive. Got up and showered and ate breakfast and was at the farmer's market around eight. It was bustling already when we got there. The town where the market is is currently having a restaurant boom and you can see all the local chef shopping before the market opens. If you get there early enough you can see them. They get the newest produce first and will have it set aside for them in bulk. They also carry bags and buy small amounts of things.

The market is bursting with wonderful fresh produce. Since I buy my meats at the market too, I only go to the supermarket for yogurt and milk and ice cream.

Today I got (in no particular order): lettuce (lots!), cling peaches, sugar plums, sour dough bread, tomatoes (lots & lots), cucumbers, zucchini, yellow squash, peppers, eggplant, celery, squash blossoms (we had them tonight with dinner...younger one made them...delicious!), blueberries, raspberries, sweet potatoes, scallions, sweet onions, green beans, orange beets, cantaloupe, yellow watermelon, corn (white & bi-colored) cheddar cheese, eggs, bacon, breakfast sausage, a chicken (which was dinner tonight), beef short ribs (never made these before...but going to try them), chipped beef for cheese steaks, hummus, wheat grass for eldest's kitty, and probably other things I can't remember.

The week ahead is full of wonderful food and, according to the weather channel, sunshine.

The refrigerator is burtsing

Who needs yellow ink when you have black?

So. I finished my novel as I stated sometime before 4 July. I'm pleased with it. I am. And just finishing an entire novel, I'm told is an accomplishment. But here's the thing. No one has read the entire thing and the only people who have read any of it are friends and relatives. People who know and love me. So, how fair is their estimation of greatness.

So. In order to make myself feel a little more secure in the value of this piece. I mean it wasn't a story I was burning to tell. Well, maybe parts of it were smoldering. But very small parts. Very, very small. It was an exercise in creative writing. I taught high school level writing for years. I enjoyed it and I think I was good at it. I was taught to write by a very tough and very smart and very talented English teacher when I was in eighth grade. So I know I can write. But I never did much creative writing. It was an exercise. One that I enjoyed. But this little novel took me seven years to write what with dinner to prepare and laundry and one thing and another. So. Again, in order to make myself feel a little more secure in the value of the piece I have arranged for the book group of P (friend and relative) to read and critique. In order for this group of terrifically insightful women to read the book they have to have a copy of the book. And therein lies today's blog.

The first thing I did was put a watermark on the page and a footer. I don't know these women. There may be an aspiring writer in the group who will love my novel so much that she will take it for her own and give it to her brother-in-law in publishing who will publish it just to get her off his back and so that he and his wife can stop fighting. But you see the problem. Exactly! My novel will be published under someone else's name and all my fame and fortune (that I worked for for seven years!) will be hers. So. The first thing I did was put a watermark and a footer on each page. Then I made the margins smaller and the font smaller and put it all into single space. That took it from over four hundred pages to around one hundred and forty pages. Much more printable! Especially for a group.

So. The novel is ready to print for my group of strangers to critique. I have copied the file to a thumb drive to give to husband. He says, just in case, print one copy using his networked laser printer. Okay. Now we're cooking. With gas, as husband would say. Well, oldest daughter is baking banana bread (don't worry, I don't eat it!) and I'm working at my computer. There is a minor snafu with flour that I have to help a bit with and I start to print. And another snafu in that the networked laser printer is not on my computer as an available printer to use (It turns out that I was supposed to turn his printer on before I tried to print to it. Who'da thunk?) So when I can't get it to print to the laser, I give up on that and just print it to my all-in-one. I mean the word all states right there that everything will work out fine. And it is. It's all set. Paper. Ink. (I'm only printing in black.) Ready. Set. Print.

Print. Print. Print.

Print. Print. Print.

Print. Print. STOP!

When I started the print job the printer warned me that I would be needing yellow ink. Not soon. Well soon, but not RIGHT NOW! So. Since I was printing in black, I pushed okay and started the printing. But it stopped. It stopped twenty seven pages from the end of the document. It printed over one hundred twenty and then it stopped and it said. No. Nope. NO MORE PRINTING UNTIL I GET A YELLOW CARTRIDGE. Or words to that effect.

Last week I replace the blue, the light pink, the dark pink, the black. Target was out of yellow last week when they were on sale. But I have bought ink recently and I keep it in a drawer. Surely there is a yellow ink cartridge in there. No such luck. Three pinks, two blues, two blacks. NO YELLOW. Meanwhile the printer has STOPPED PRINTING and the lights are all blinking. NO. NO. NO. Says the printer. And what's more...if you don't give me what I want, I will delete the print job and you'll have to start ALL OVER AGAIN!!

So. Even though it was a thousand degrees outside and a million per cent humidity. And even though I had to get dinner going pronto. I figure out what is the closest store that is sure (I hope) to have a yellow ink cartridge. Office Depot. And I grab my purse and fly out the door leaving my printer in a state of pause (that's what I'd like to think) and blinking with every light it owns. Rush hour traffic. Terrific. FINALLY I get to the store. I run in. Hey, cars are supposed to stop for pedestrians in the cross walk. And dash directly to the ink aisle. I pray the cartridges are not under lock and key because it will take me another half of a day to get someone to come help me. No. Cartridges hanging free for the picking. I turn down the aisle. Number two. The first ink cartridge number I've ever had that is easy to remember. And every color is the same number. And as I turn down the aisle I nearly plow into two young women dressed in office wear talking on their cellphone (yes, both are talking into one cell phone) in a foreign language. I'm not making this up. And where do you think they're standing. Directly in front of my yellow ink cartridge!

So. I stand still for what seems like at least an hour and no one even sees me. Let me be clear. I am not, I repeat, not a small person. And I was wearing purple. Apparently I had also activated my cloaking device. Silly me.

So. Since I am not a small person, I did the math and reached right in there and grabbed my yellow ink cartridge without interrupting the young ladies one iota.

So. Then I try to pay. Cash. None. I repeat. None of the cashier's stands are open. There is a young woman helping a woman order business cards and there is the store manager sitting cross legged on top of the desk trying to figure out something with the computerized cash register. And she cant'. She is swearing quietly. So the young woman helping the other woman tells me to come to her register and she will ring me up. Excellent!

So she rings me up. Wrong. Yes. Wrong. And so we have to do it all over again. Did I say I was paying cash? That must have been what tripped her up.

So. I finally leave the store with my yellow ink cartridge, inch my way home in rush hour traffic, and replace the cartridge. The blinking stops! New blinking starts. DEFECTIVE CARTRIDGE it says. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So I take the cartridge out and put it back in. More blinking. But then noises and finally it accepts my new cartridge. And cancels the print job.

Don't worry. I printed the last twenty seven pages as a separate job and the copies are all ready to be distributed to the group which my friend/cousin says will likely take them six weeks!

I was going to blog about how I finished my novel and am now starting the daunting job of figuring out how to get it to an agent who will help me get it published. I was going to. I was going to also blog about the delicious roast pork with organic sauerkraut (I have pictures) I made for dinner last evening. I was going to. But instead I am going to talk about this diet thing. As you know I had a minor medical incident on the last day of February that resulted in me having to test my blood for my glucose level and in me having to change the way I eat. Rice, white potatoes, pizza, my beloved white crusty bread are all off limits. Cookies and candy and cake are too...but for me that was not a problem. A hard roll or a bagel are what I always ate and what I crave. When I was a little girl. And I mean little. Five, six, seven. My breakfast was a cup of tea with a lot of milk and a fresh hard roll covered in poppy seeds and smeared with butter, real butter. It is still my favorite breakfast (less milk in the tea). I can't have that roll anymore.

Between the last day of February and now I have given up many of my favorite foods because I do not want to be sick; I do not want to be a diabetic; I do not want to suffer the side effects of diabetes or the medication; because I want to live a good long while yet and I want to live it in as good health as is possible.

I have had several (yes, several) people ask me what my diet secret is. I have lost nearly 40 pounds. My glucose number is normal. I no longer have aching knees or indigestion.

I can tell you what I eat. I eat homemade wheat/oat bran/flax bread with low sodium/low sugar peanut butter, a small dish of vanilla soy yogurt with cinnamon sprinkled on top, and either hot or iced tea for breakfast. Every day. I eat a salad for lunch. Every day. And for dinner I made a protein like grass fed beef, chicken, pork, eggs, turkey, fish and a plate full of vegetables. Once in a while a sweet potato. Once in a while 2 ounces of whole wheat pasta. Once in a while some fried polenta cakes. I read and consider and calculate. I avoid pizza and pasta and rice and white potatoes. I still want them. But I can't have them. Not now.

There is no secret quick fix diet. There is only a life change. It's not easy. I don't always like what I'm eating. I own hundreds of cook books. I love to cook and I love to eat. But I'd also love to go down the shore and sit on the beach for a few more years. I'd love to catch up on my reading. I'd love to sit on my porch. I'd love to crochet enough to use up all my yarn.

To live so as not to miss too much, if anything at all, I can make a life style change (not just go on a diet). I can give up a bagel to meet my grandchildren.

So... I haven't "blogged" in ages. I've been busy! June 30 was the last of the birthdays. Shopping for three in one month is like Christmas! But we're all celebrated now.

I've been following my diet ...peanut butter toast and soy yogurt (with cinnamon) for breakfast. Iced tea instead of a cup of hot tea to drink. The NYT Crossword Puzzle...of course. Walking at least 2 1/2 miles a day. Lifting weights every other day. Lunch is still a salad. But...what with all the fresh fruit coming into season....strawberries with bananas, vanilla ice cream ("Chilly Philly"...made in Philly...low in sugar...all natural...delicious!), cinnamon, whipped cream (real whipped cream...not Cool Whip...no carbs in real whipped cream!)....delicious dessert every night! I've lost 40 pounds to date.

Older daughter's was the last birthday celebrated. She has not fully embraced low carbs like the rest of us so along with her grilled chicken cutlets she asked me to make my potato salad. Which, of course, I did. And we had sliced field grown tomatoes (the first of the season!) with fresh mozzarella cheese sliced and marinated fresh cooked green beans. We also had a huge bowl of sauteed zucchini with onions and mushrooms and melted cheese on top.

Her cake...banana with fudge icing. Her dad and sister and grandfather had a piece and then she took it to work (I'm allergic to chocolate so couldn't have had it anyway...but I made it!). She had to work on her birthday (12 hour shift!) so I packed up the cake and sent it with her. A colleague made cupcakes and another friend bought a little cake...so she had her full complement of birthday carbs!

I have been working on my novel (for seven years!) and it is finally done. Now to get some feedback and work on getting an agent, etc. Memorial Day is over, "Staycation" is over, birthdays are over, the novel is done, July 4 is over. Now I feel as if summer can really begin.