better than nothin'

I went shopping today to buy an OFF brand mosquito repellant candle type thing. It's the one on the television commercial that is supposed to keep mosquitos far, far away. Mosquitos love to bite me. They sing and dance and hold social gatherings around me just so they can suck my blood. I was all set to spend this summer on my SCREENED IN porch. No such luck. The porch had to be completely rebuilt and cost twice the original bid. The porch was also supposed to be done in two weeks. Today it is finally done. Six weeks. So unscreened, no new front doors (something I've wanted for 20 years), but finally done. Better than nothin'.

So I went shopping to buy these mosquito repellant things. There is a television commercial that directs you to a website where you get to sign your life away for some coupons that can only be printed after you get the secret password. So I did all of that and tucked the coupons in my wallet and set out to make my purchase. I am determined to get a lot of use out of this porch as I've been told it will last longer than me!

The first store I went to did not have what I wanted to buy so I went to another. Aha! Eureka! There tucked in the back by the decorative citronella candles (which I also bought because I love the way they smell) I found the product described on the coupon. Actually two coupons. One coupon was one dollar off a refill pack (3 candles) and the other coupon was to buy one of the candle holder thingys and get one for free. This was a pretty good deal. The refill pack was $4.92 and I had a coupon for $1 off. The candle thingy was $6.79 and I would get one for free. Excellent! I picked up two candle thingys and one refill and headed to the cashier. I put my items on the conveyor to pay and handed the elderly cashier my two colorful coupons that I had just printed out on my home computer printer. She seemed a little perplexed but the customer before me had used a handful of coupons so I knew she had some experience with them. Cash in hand I watched her ring up the refills. $4.92. Then the two candle thingys. $6.79. $6.79. Okay...coupon time. She huffed and puffed and scanned coupon #1. Minus $1. Then she huffed and puffed some more and scanned another coupon. Minus $1. Oh no! Trouble. And Jack who was behind me in line with his mother (who was on her cell phone) was trying to see if he could make the scanner beep with his toy car. The cashier was getting a little nervous and Jack's mother turned her back on the whole thing.

What to do? Excuse me, I said. One of those coupons is supposed to be for the candle holder and it's supposed to be buy one get one free. Hmprf says the cashier. Oh yes. She squinks at the computer screen that is her register and adds $1 back. Then she types the bar code number from the coupon into the register. Minus $4.92. There! She says very pleased with herself. But I say...it's supposed to take off $6.79. She looks at me. She looks at her screen. She looks at the coupon. She looks at the candle thingy. Jack's mother finally looks at him. And she turns to me and say....Well, it's better than nothin'.

Well, yes, it is better than nothin'. I think. But it isn't right. And then I quickly decide if the $1.87 I am owed is worth the fight. Will bringing the store to a screeching halt on this Thursday morning be worth my $1.87. And now Jack is trying to climb on the conveyor with his cars and new clothes and his mother has actually walked away. The elderly cashier is huffing and puffing and staring at me. And so I give in and say...I guess it is.

I came home and was disappointed with myself. I should have made her figure it out. She could see what the price was. She wrote the price on the coupon so the store will get the whole $6.79. Disgusted with my self for caving so quickly, I ate yet another lunch salad.

But...I thought. I'm not a pushover. I'm making pizza for dinner. For the first time in months I'm having pizza. I'm not having a slice of Joe's which is what I desperately want. I'm making my own dough (full of whole grains and soy) because I'm going to beat this blood glucose thing and I'm going to make the best, most delicious alternative pizza crust this world has ever seen!!!

And I did (or at least I tried). The recipe includes whole wheat flour, soy flour, oatmeal bran flour, golden flax, olive oil (among a very few other things).

I mix my pizza dough in my bread machine. I used to make regular pizza dough...with bread flour only. So, like a chemist, I design this new recipe and pour it all into the bread machine. It smells a little funny (the soy flour, I think) but it looks like dough. When it's done I try to dump it out of the dough mixing pan and a lot of it sticks. Not a good sign. The dough has a weird texture. Not a good sign. But I work it out. Remember, this is going to be the best pizza ever! I bake the dough a little before I put the toppings on. Sauce. Cheese. Mushrooms. Spinach. The pizza goes in the oven and we all wait. My family at the table. It smells like pizza they say. And I make salad. If it's a disaster, I say, we'll eat scramble eggs.

The pizza comes out of the oven and, despite a more textured looking dough, it looks like pizza. I bring it to the table. Husband cuts it. We all dig in.

It's crisp. The cheese is good. No, no it's good.

No. It's better than nothin'

Now I am not a better than nothin' person. I am a this is the best person. Better than nothin' has been swirling around me for months. I don't like it. I don't like it with coupons. I don't like it with home repairs. I don't like it when trying to get time to do something. I certainly don't like it with pizza crust. My husband tells me that I need to let myself win once in a while. How can I do that when I have to accept, without complaint, so many things that are better than nothin'.