all these years....

Today's photo is not of today's salad. I took a picture. It came out very well (if I say so myself)..and I couldn't get it in the right place to load it here. So, instead, you have a photo of two of the three lamps over my kitchen sink. And a view out my kitchen window.

The salad today was simple. A mixture of lettuce with olive oil and vinegar, an ounce of a nice hard cheddar cut into a few pieces, tuna, 1/2 an avocado. My oldest had today off from work so she was with me. We both went to breakfast with a friend (who also happens to be family, by marriage) and so the lunch was simpler, smaller, and later than usual. The workman are still here. It seems now the porch is becoming mysteriously hard to finish. I am promised tomorrow. We'll see.

Speaking of promises. Yesterday someone told me the story of her husband getting suddenly, dramatically, terribly, and nearly fatally ill. She told me every detail. This happened. Then that happened. And then...she told me...she went into the chapel at the hospital and prayed to God. She said that she said: "God don't do this to me! You can't do this to me!" And, miraculously, when she returned to the doctor for her husband had been taken to critical care...the doctor said that it was a miracle. He was going to be fine. He was one lucky guy. Naturally, when I heard this story, as everyone does, I thought of the times I had prayed ...hard. All of us who were brought up with religion and even many of us who weren't...pray when we're at our darkest hour. Some of us bargain with God. Please, give me what I want and I'll do this for You. Some of us pray for strength and guidance to understand and cope with what God has given us (that's what I was taught). But this woman told God what to do...she let him know that she was not to be messed with. God...don't do this to me! No mention of the husband fighting for his life. No mention of the benevolent God deserving of our love without reservation. No mention of God as all powerful and we just the servants. No...God...don't do this to me. And, to hear her tell it, God listened and did not do that to her. So I guess I've been doing it wrong all these years. I never thought to give God my motherly disciplinarian tone. I, frankly, thought he might be offended and make the suffering I was to endure even greater. But to be sure...nothing I've ever prayed hard to God to make happen has happened how I asked for it. He's given me plenty and plenty to deal with...and the strength to do so. But he's never just flat out listened to me and done exactly what I told Him. Maybe that's what He means by ask and you shall receive. I don't know...and I sure am not brave enough to try it. For now (and for the foreseeable future) I'll stick with the strengh and guidance thing and hope He gives me lots of both.