Who needs yellow ink when you have black?

So. I finished my novel as I stated sometime before 4 July. I'm pleased with it. I am. And just finishing an entire novel, I'm told is an accomplishment. But here's the thing. No one has read the entire thing and the only people who have read any of it are friends and relatives. People who know and love me. So, how fair is their estimation of greatness.

So. In order to make myself feel a little more secure in the value of this piece. I mean it wasn't a story I was burning to tell. Well, maybe parts of it were smoldering. But very small parts. Very, very small. It was an exercise in creative writing. I taught high school level writing for years. I enjoyed it and I think I was good at it. I was taught to write by a very tough and very smart and very talented English teacher when I was in eighth grade. So I know I can write. But I never did much creative writing. It was an exercise. One that I enjoyed. But this little novel took me seven years to write what with dinner to prepare and laundry and one thing and another. So. Again, in order to make myself feel a little more secure in the value of the piece I have arranged for the book group of P (friend and relative) to read and critique. In order for this group of terrifically insightful women to read the book they have to have a copy of the book. And therein lies today's blog.

The first thing I did was put a watermark on the page and a footer. I don't know these women. There may be an aspiring writer in the group who will love my novel so much that she will take it for her own and give it to her brother-in-law in publishing who will publish it just to get her off his back and so that he and his wife can stop fighting. But you see the problem. Exactly! My novel will be published under someone else's name and all my fame and fortune (that I worked for for seven years!) will be hers. So. The first thing I did was put a watermark and a footer on each page. Then I made the margins smaller and the font smaller and put it all into single space. That took it from over four hundred pages to around one hundred and forty pages. Much more printable! Especially for a group.

So. The novel is ready to print for my group of strangers to critique. I have copied the file to a thumb drive to give to husband. He says, just in case, print one copy using his networked laser printer. Okay. Now we're cooking. With gas, as husband would say. Well, oldest daughter is baking banana bread (don't worry, I don't eat it!) and I'm working at my computer. There is a minor snafu with flour that I have to help a bit with and I start to print. And another snafu in that the networked laser printer is not on my computer as an available printer to use (It turns out that I was supposed to turn his printer on before I tried to print to it. Who'da thunk?) So when I can't get it to print to the laser, I give up on that and just print it to my all-in-one. I mean the word all states right there that everything will work out fine. And it is. It's all set. Paper. Ink. (I'm only printing in black.) Ready. Set. Print.

Print. Print. Print.

Print. Print. Print.

Print. Print. STOP!

When I started the print job the printer warned me that I would be needing yellow ink. Not soon. Well soon, but not RIGHT NOW! So. Since I was printing in black, I pushed okay and started the printing. But it stopped. It stopped twenty seven pages from the end of the document. It printed over one hundred twenty and then it stopped and it said. No. Nope. NO MORE PRINTING UNTIL I GET A YELLOW CARTRIDGE. Or words to that effect.

Last week I replace the blue, the light pink, the dark pink, the black. Target was out of yellow last week when they were on sale. But I have bought ink recently and I keep it in a drawer. Surely there is a yellow ink cartridge in there. No such luck. Three pinks, two blues, two blacks. NO YELLOW. Meanwhile the printer has STOPPED PRINTING and the lights are all blinking. NO. NO. NO. Says the printer. And what's more...if you don't give me what I want, I will delete the print job and you'll have to start ALL OVER AGAIN!!

So. Even though it was a thousand degrees outside and a million per cent humidity. And even though I had to get dinner going pronto. I figure out what is the closest store that is sure (I hope) to have a yellow ink cartridge. Office Depot. And I grab my purse and fly out the door leaving my printer in a state of pause (that's what I'd like to think) and blinking with every light it owns. Rush hour traffic. Terrific. FINALLY I get to the store. I run in. Hey, cars are supposed to stop for pedestrians in the cross walk. And dash directly to the ink aisle. I pray the cartridges are not under lock and key because it will take me another half of a day to get someone to come help me. No. Cartridges hanging free for the picking. I turn down the aisle. Number two. The first ink cartridge number I've ever had that is easy to remember. And every color is the same number. And as I turn down the aisle I nearly plow into two young women dressed in office wear talking on their cellphone (yes, both are talking into one cell phone) in a foreign language. I'm not making this up. And where do you think they're standing. Directly in front of my yellow ink cartridge!

So. I stand still for what seems like at least an hour and no one even sees me. Let me be clear. I am not, I repeat, not a small person. And I was wearing purple. Apparently I had also activated my cloaking device. Silly me.

So. Since I am not a small person, I did the math and reached right in there and grabbed my yellow ink cartridge without interrupting the young ladies one iota.

So. Then I try to pay. Cash. None. I repeat. None of the cashier's stands are open. There is a young woman helping a woman order business cards and there is the store manager sitting cross legged on top of the desk trying to figure out something with the computerized cash register. And she cant'. She is swearing quietly. So the young woman helping the other woman tells me to come to her register and she will ring me up. Excellent!

So she rings me up. Wrong. Yes. Wrong. And so we have to do it all over again. Did I say I was paying cash? That must have been what tripped her up.

So. I finally leave the store with my yellow ink cartridge, inch my way home in rush hour traffic, and replace the cartridge. The blinking stops! New blinking starts. DEFECTIVE CARTRIDGE it says. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So I take the cartridge out and put it back in. More blinking. But then noises and finally it accepts my new cartridge. And cancels the print job.

Don't worry. I printed the last twenty seven pages as a separate job and the copies are all ready to be distributed to the group which my friend/cousin says will likely take them six weeks!